Monthly Archives: August 2014

today’s date

so

i haven’t been keeping up with the daily blog post of today’s date

i haven’t been keeping up with any writing

i haven’t be keeping up with any reading

i haven’t been keeping up with my exercise

and i haven’t been keeping up with staying positive

so

yea

 

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today’s date

i stayed up until 4 am watching Weeds GREAT SHOW GO CHECK IT OUT

woke up at 6 to re-tweet read and post about what is going on in Ferguson

fell asleep again in the middle of a conversation

woke up feet in agony

tried this soak you feet in Listerine and water solution and OMG did it work

my feet feel great

i have to rejoice in the little things but i have to be active in making those little joys come to life

today’s date

i am depressed

i have been for awhile now but i was working on it

the exercise, the looking for a job, getting back to writing

well today i just went to sleep

in the middle of chatting with a friend and watching youtube videos

just stopped

and went to sleep

wasnt watching anything depressing, except for the advancement of the new tech for our robot over lords

thank you jessica chobot

and me and the friend were having a fun conversation about burning breakfast

i just stopped put my head on a pillow and went to sleep

my stomach feels much better tho

so i got that going for me

and the days not over

will find some more things to feel good about and maybe some motivation

today’s date

woke up realized that i had the wrong date on yesterdays today’s date

fixed it i think

after all the stuff i went through and found out about

my thoughts have been i am totally sick of this world

so now i am sick

\have only left my room to go to the bathroom today

so as this writing i have left my room 18 times

mind over matter

now it doesnt matter what my mind thinks because matter is almost uncontrollable LOL

i may be moving soon though

a change of location  may be what is really needed

see you tomorrow

 

today’s date

left my neighborhood for the first time in about 18 days

word the train for the first time in 40

saw guardians of the galaxy today

it was really good

let someone hurt my heart for the last time today

learned that someone who broke my heart a while ago has moved on while im sitting here letting someone hurt my heart

heard a funny story

heard bad news

heard some more bad news

learned robin williams died

then i came home

that was my day

today’s date

i woke up

tried to eat something

didnt feel well

tried to watch some youtube videos

feel asleep

woke up

now listening to some music from one of my old school mates

lola savage check her out

will use the energy i gained from that sleep to work my way out of this fuck

hope to see guardians of the galaxy tomorrow

will read the book the 100 best african american poems by nikki giovanni

today’s date

i wrote for the first time in a long time yesterday. you guys seemed to like it. i haven’t liked much of anything including myself in a long time. i have inspirational notes on my wall in my room, i have positive reinforcement notes on my computer, i talk to people who are wonderful and helpful in my life, but i still forget to like myself. i forget my hopes and dreams. i forget all the things i want out of life. i forget that i am good at stuff. i forget to like myself.

i is time to change that

so now i am dedicating myself to myself, doubling if not tripling the work i put into myself.

home situation sucks=move out

want to be financially staple = all money is legal. let your pride suffer a little as long as you collect that check

what to do better for people around you = do better for yourself and you can be better for them

my first step has been exercise so far 3 out of  days = i can do better

second step is to get back to writing.   i am going to write everyday here on my facebook notes on my instagram poems in my twitter get back to writing my comic reviews but i am going to write

wish me luck and stay tuned!

 

Fear of the Future

the future

what does that really mean?

i remember my past

and all of those silly dreams

own an arcade

dig up the graves of prehistoric things

travel space with the captain drinking earl grey tea

i literally watched those  aspirations get washed away and trashed

now just to survive i have to sale of the second half

of my life plans my stocks my precious books

so in the future to have to loses it all again

look

it is not a bout the material things

well maybe a little

cause when i was little i felt like i got little

and when i did get it had to be taken away

with false im sorry and nothing every replaced

now with my own hands it feel like im doing the same

in order to leave till the next disorder illness or to be displaced again

i fear the future not because or death hurt and pain

i fear it for the false hope it could bring

i hope it will get better that never ever again will your dreams not matter

that for all the goals you set there will be steps and ladders there to support you

not pulled out from under you

that your hard work is worth it

there is an end that has purpose

a place that you can feel safe to reach your full potential

where you arent ridiculed for have a mental capacity to defy gravity

a future where your body wont try to kill yo

and you heart is filled with love

where past hate is a mere after thought

i fear a future where i believe in that stuff

where i find a god i trust

only to be thrust back into the all to familiar darkness

i fear loss

thinking about my future only shows me how much more i have to lose to get there