the future
what does that really mean?
i remember my past
and all of those silly dreams
own an arcade
dig up the graves of prehistoric things
travel space with the captain drinking earl grey tea
i literally watched those aspirations get washed away and trashed
now just to survive i have to sale of the second half
of my life plans my stocks my precious books
so in the future to have to loses it all again
look
it is not a bout the material things
well maybe a little
cause when i was little i felt like i got little
and when i did get it had to be taken away
with false im sorry and nothing every replaced
now with my own hands it feel like im doing the same
in order to leave till the next disorder illness or to be displaced again
i fear the future not because or death hurt and pain
i fear it for the false hope it could bring
i hope it will get better that never ever again will your dreams not matter
that for all the goals you set there will be steps and ladders there to support you
not pulled out from under you
that your hard work is worth it
there is an end that has purpose
a place that you can feel safe to reach your full potential
where you arent ridiculed for have a mental capacity to defy gravity
a future where your body wont try to kill yo
and you heart is filled with love
where past hate is a mere after thought
i fear a future where i believe in that stuff
where i find a god i trust
only to be thrust back into the all to familiar darkness
i fear loss
thinking about my future only shows me how much more i have to lose to get there
Reblogged this on Vince Palaganas.
Its our struggles that make us who we are. I hope your struggles lighten and you do find a way to enjoy your life. I look at my life in respect to the journey. I found that once I focused on the journey instead of the end I was able to open my eyes to the positives around me, nature, positive people, and the like. Good luck to you to learning to enjoy your journey in this world.
Thank you so much for your comment and sharing. I am doing my best.
You are writing about it… Great first step! Have you talked to any professional regarding your depression? Psychologist or psychiatrist? I like psychologist first for talk therapy they can tell you if you need to see a psychiatrist to get on medication.
I haven’t talked to a professional in a long time.
Why not? If you don’t mind me asking.
Limited access limited funds
211 is always available to help you find something in the community that you can afford, some doctors are really cool and provide a sliding scale if you qualify. Since I have health insurance and they don’t pay until the first 6000(hope I never have to pay that in a year for medical services or medication). I have found some places charge 150 for the initial visit to start and then 50 for follow up visits, once the initial visits which are most intense you see them less often. I know it’s a lot of work to begin with, but in time once you work through your issues, it’s really worth it. Best of luck to you!
Thank you and thank you for the information! I really appreciate it!
You are very welcome! Hope it helps… I look forward to hearing great news!