Fear of the Future

the future

what does that really mean?

i remember my past

and all of those silly dreams

own an arcade

dig up the graves of prehistoric things

travel space with the captain drinking earl grey tea

i literally watched those  aspirations get washed away and trashed

now just to survive i have to sale of the second half

of my life plans my stocks my precious books

so in the future to have to loses it all again


it is not a bout the material things

well maybe a little

cause when i was little i felt like i got little

and when i did get it had to be taken away

with false im sorry and nothing every replaced

now with my own hands it feel like im doing the same

in order to leave till the next disorder illness or to be displaced again

i fear the future not because or death hurt and pain

i fear it for the false hope it could bring

i hope it will get better that never ever again will your dreams not matter

that for all the goals you set there will be steps and ladders there to support you

not pulled out from under you

that your hard work is worth it

there is an end that has purpose

a place that you can feel safe to reach your full potential

where you arent ridiculed for have a mental capacity to defy gravity

a future where your body wont try to kill yo

and you heart is filled with love

where past hate is a mere after thought

i fear a future where i believe in that stuff

where i find a god i trust

only to be thrust back into the all to familiar darkness

i fear loss

thinking about my future only shows me how much more i have to lose to get there






10 thoughts on “Fear of the Future

  1. Its our struggles that make us who we are. I hope your struggles lighten and you do find a way to enjoy your life. I look at my life in respect to the journey. I found that once I focused on the journey instead of the end I was able to open my eyes to the positives around me, nature, positive people, and the like. Good luck to you to learning to enjoy your journey in this world.

      1. You are writing about it… Great first step! Have you talked to any professional regarding your depression? Psychologist or psychiatrist? I like psychologist first for talk therapy they can tell you if you need to see a psychiatrist to get on medication.

      2. 211 is always available to help you find something in the community that you can afford, some doctors are really cool and provide a sliding scale if you qualify. Since I have health insurance and they don’t pay until the first 6000(hope I never have to pay that in a year for medical services or medication). I have found some places charge 150 for the initial visit to start and then 50 for follow up visits, once the initial visits which are most intense you see them less often. I know it’s a lot of work to begin with, but in time once you work through your issues, it’s really worth it. Best of luck to you!

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