Monthly Archives: January 2015


January has always been an up and down month for me. either i have a great bday and the rest of the month sucks or i have a sucky bday and the rest of the month is great. this year has seen a change and i have to thank therapy for that. thanks to therapy i took whatever happened and made it worth while, made it fun and made sure i didnt let anyone take my joy away! A few tried to take my joy away but i didnt let them!!!!! I’ve been off my meds for a month now, under my doctors supervision, and have been using the exercises I learned in the hospital added with being honest with my therapist has really helped me to maintain my balance. 2015 has already tarted off great! i have a few new measurable goals, daily things i do to keep up my physical and mental health, and a new attitude on life!!! 1 down 11 more months to go!!!!

Therapy The most comfortable no comfort zone

someone way smarter than me once said, “the only way to succeed is to get out of your comfort zone and boy were they right! Yesterday therapy was real rough and that is exactly what i needed to happen. my therapist has been using a technique with me where i have to make a list to answer questions about what are my goals for therapy and the tools i need to achieve them.  the topic of this weeks list is “why do i put more effort into work for others then i do for myself”. and well i think a lot of hose answers hit super hard. i have been a little down every since i started working on the list. self examination is a big part of life and when you have someone professionally helping you with it i believe it can be a thing that elevates you to even beyond your own hopes and dreams. at the same time it can really hurt, but you cant let that hurt stop you. you have to keep going and work on what needs to be changed. i think that being moved out of my comfort zone in this safe environment is a good thing. i think it will help me reestablish what i know i can achieve with life. i want to publish my book this year. i want to share it with all of you and i need to be prepared to be uncomfortable!

pen and paper, i might share later

OMG today so many things tried to set me off. so many triggers of my depression and anger tried to surface. i think i did really good handling it. I PUT PEN TO PAPER. i wrote. i just wrote what i was feeling. i just wrote what was in my mind, even the negative stuff but i didn’t let it control me. i felt it i dealt with it and then i moved on. like even now has i write this blog i have a pen and a note pad sitting next to me and writing some verses down. the exercise of writing has been so helpful in battling my depression. now if only i can get it together so i can live off my writing and move away from such negative many little good things happen everyday and we allow someone else’s bullshit and black clouds ruin your day. i choose to have heaven everyday in my life.  will let others keep their hell.


p.s. i may share some of the stuff i have been writing from today tomorrow not sure yet. stay tuned

p.s.s yea i need a job. i need to move.

morbidness action/reaction time management

i feel like im going to die again real soon

the last three times werent all that cool

so maybe i rush things too

and other things i dont even pursue

maybe that’s why i dont clean my room

or rewrite my will

when i have nothing and no one to really leave anything to

i fell like im going to die again real soon

is that why i am such a loud dude

that fights for those who’s knees were cut off to soon

so if i leave again you will notice that i left the room

i feel like im going to die again real soon

the last three times werent all that cool

the forth maybe the most unbearable

but i have hope i will come back from that one too

i feel like im going to die again real soon

P.S. did almost die that forth time and here i stand!!!!!!!

Because it’s My Birthday precious!

today’s date blog is all about yesterday!

yesterday was my 33rd birthday and to say i was hard getting there s an understatement. my battle with depression took a turn for the worst late lat year and it looked like i wasnt going to see 2015 but today i am happy that that is no the case. YESTERDAY WAS AWESOME. the only thing i had planned on doing was posting a free pics to social media (go and follow me on everything lol) letting people know it was my bday and was going to just say thank you to those that wished me a happy one. it turned out to be so much greater! i got well wishes from those that i havent seen in ages. beautiful notes from beautiful women who i didnt even think noticed me. words of encouragement from those i look up to who i didnt think saw the things that i have been going through. i got gifts that i didnt ask for because on that day just being here was enough for me. the notes, facebook statuses, private messages and early morning phone calls warmed my heart in ways that i couldnt imagine i still could fill and that alone is a gift i can never repay . for that i say thank you to all and for those that went the extra mile i hope the private messages i sent in return conveyed half of my appreciation for you!!!!

but let’s talk about them gifts tho lol

i got a surprise gift from my mom which was really cool because i didnt expect her to get me anything and that was really nice.

one of my mentors (SKINNER) took me out to an awesome meal at the cheesecake factory (SOOOOO GOOD) and about five hours of conversation, that i thought was the best thing to have because i am starting to realize that after all my brushes with death the time we choose to spend with each other us more valuable then we can ever know.

THEN i got a really expensive book that i LOVE LOVE LOVE (its the history of westeros! #gameofthrones

i dont make plans for my birthday since i turned 23 so i like to usually i  find a really good book and just enjoy it. these last few years i have been in the hospital or ill so i would be dealing with that and those things were a leading cause of he depression but i am so glad that i didnt do anything to harm myself because i would have missed out on one of my best birthdays to date and the greatest gifts that one could ask for, the gift of being loved.

thank you all again and i know the thirty third year of me will be the best year of them all

sword poem 3

it is not me that keeps the sword sheathed

it is the sword that keeps my anger and fury contained

for a sword should only be unsheathed for two purposes

the  first, is when it is needed to strike and injure another. to show the purpose of consequences

for you can not bring back another from a fatal blow

the second, is when it is needed to be honed, sharpened and taken care of.

for to practice discipline and care is to create character

the perfection of a sword is not in it’s use but in it’ quiet moments away from battle

My X-Men Movie

Hey guys,

hope all is well with everyone. a few days ago i decided i needed to do more with this blog and start making better use of the categories i have set up on this page. one of those categories is story ideas, i dont know what i was afraid of, maybe someone stealing my ideas and running with it but then i realized what id someone saw them and wanted to hire me!!!! so here we go one of my old ideas about the  X3 movie i wrote maybe a week after seeing it. i hope you like it, let me know in the comments.

we open our movie looking on a military complex in a frozen wasteland, location unknown. we will back to see Magneto floating over a hill looking upon the facility. we cut to a guard walking into one of the buildings where we hear loud screams and sounds of machinery humming along. another guard address the one we are following and says “you are a bit early today aren’t you?” our guard says “actually i hope im not to late.” the guards eyes flash yellow revealing it to be Mystique! we cut back to Magneto who speaks into an ear piece and says now!

we pan over to see explosions at three of the larger buildings in the faculty. explosions controlled by Magneto. we cut back to Mystique taking out the guards and relaying to Magneto the location of three top targets and her saying im going after the heavy. Cut to Magneto talking to Sabretooth now standing next to him and saying shall we clear a path. Sabretooth growls and and beings an assault on the main gate.

now a decent size action sequence as we  cut in between Mystique taking out guards, Magneto, Sabretooth and toad assaulting troops and defending those that they have freed from the base. to reveal that Mystique has just freed the Blob and ask  him are you hungry he smiles and helps her take soldiers down. cut back to Magneto telling toad and pyro to go free mr mccoy while he and sabretooth get the angel. toad and pyro find a blue beast that has been beaten and looks to appear t have fur burned from his body. we go to Magneto and Sabretooth as the free ArchAngel and watch has he unleashes his furry on the soliders. Magneto getting what he came for and telling the other prisoners they are free bit freedom comes with a price “show me you are willing to fight for it!” they destroy the weapon x facility!

we cut to the x mansion with iceman and rogue walking through the halls putting on their combat suits the talk about how they are so late a generally catch us up with what has been going on with the x men since the end of x 2. they walk into the middle of a danger room session where cyclops, wolverine, wolverine, storm, nightcrawler and colossus are taking on robots that kind look like the avengers. professor x mentally informs the two that they are from his observation booth above the room and tells them to join in the lesson. we get some cool images of the x men using team work to take down the robot avengers and afterwards a few moments with professor x, cyclops and storm about how he would like to expand the school and even come out to the public that they are mutants,

cut to another training session of sorts where we see sabretooth putting some mutants through grueling work outs, pyro making fun of toad and blob while mystique and magneto discuss what their next attack should be and how best to use the new recruits. (lets put a hint in there that she is attracted to the blob and Magneto doesn’t like that!) we return to the camp with sabretooth brutalizing beast. sabretooth telling beast if he was more viscous he would not have been experimented on like that. beast ask other mustants about stories of the x men that they have to be better than the people that did this to them, a few agree and begin to plan their escape after one over hears about magneto’s plan.

we now cut back and forth between  beast and the escaped mutants and the activities at the x men mansion and how the team feels about the professors  plans. i think here is the time where we can have more background characters poop up like siryn, quicksilver, gambit, scarlet witch, shadow cat, jubilee and maybe one or two others from way outside of the main books. as the team and  a few of the upper classmen are starting to choose sides we hear major alarms go off and cut to see automated defense systems attack beast and the few who escaped with him. after a brief moment with that they let the new arrivals end take them for medical attention when beast tries to warn the team what is about to happen. all monitors in the school show magnetos message.

the message is one of a new mutant nation, a brotherhood of no longer being persecuted and and how they will start with the greatest of oppressors the white house! the x men are quickly sent out to confront the treat while Xavier stays behind to ten to the escapees.

a brief but brutal battle on the white house lawn between the brotherhood  and the x-men with a few indiviual fights thrown in the mix like wolverine vs sabretooth, storm vs archangel, iceman  vs pyro, colossus vs blob, nightcrawler vs toad all of this interconnecting as rouge is using borrowed powers to sae as many people as she can while mystique is killing and trying to convince rouge that she is on the wrong side. during this attack the president unleashes the sentinels that quickly take down both groups of mutants. seeing his defeat magneto does a devastating attack against the sentinels allowing for everyone to et a chance to escape but not before during the battle the presidents family is killed. in grief he orders an all out attack on the mutant population and we see just how many machines the government has been building.

the x men are attacked as they try tp reach the mansion, the brotherhood camps are attacked, we see random people who are mutants killed in the streets and then we see the x mansion attacked. with all the devastation and death going on we see a flaming bird appear in the sky and the Phoenix returns o destroy the sentinels but also all of humanity! seeing the power and devastation that she has caused and sensing her intentions xavier tries to rally all those he can to stop the the Phoenix and save the world!

huge battle jean sacrifices herself to save the day. most of the brotherhood is arrested and teh x men go into hiding but never stop being the heroes that they are

and there you have it X-Men 3: Fall of the Mutants

short poems and random sayings

find the book, discovery the truth, kill the king

the first time i knew

that a place had a name

and that place was my school

and it was Lorriane


the roaches get more respect around here than me, they at least get to live in peace

i like pretty things

you were the prettiest thing

then things got pretty ugly pretty fast

we learned that pretty doesn’t last

I guess it was pretty awesome

until we started asking that pretty perfect question

do you love me?