Tag Archives: books

Today’s Date Doctor’s Office

my first non cook county mandated doctor’s appointment in more than 20 years was horrible , dint see the doc till more than 2 hours after my appointment, but we are going to focus on the positive right now!

1: got to read a lot of the ultimate hitchhikers guide to the galaxy

2: flirted with a really cute nurse

3: found out i weight way less than what i thought

4: finally saw a doctor after a month of trying to get the appointment

5: took my anger from the experience and walked home #exercise

so yes i am going to focus on that and go play around on snapchat

follow me bossbradley442

 

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Today’s Date Progress mixed with a little hope.

let us start with the setup.

last week friday or thursday, forgive my time displacement, i was on twitter active in a hashtag called #BlackComicsChat (join in next month you wont regret it) and one of the topics was what got you into comicsbook reading. A flood of joyous comicbook memories came into  my head, from the first time i read a comic, to the fisrt time someone brought me a comic, to the first time i brought a stack of comics with my own money! Good times. then has the memories came in and as i read the response of others i began to be filled with anger and negatives thoughts. i was so shocked and surprised, i was having a great time, the event reminded me of why i love comics so much but why was i beginning to feel this way? why were so many bad memories rushing to the surface and trying to take away the joy that i had been feeling learning that i was not the only one who felt this way about the four colored world of heroes and villain? Depression. i think people dont realize that is how depression can take a hold on you. it can creep in on the strongest, most positive feelings and place only the negative in front of you. So i got off of twitter and took 30 deep breathes and did a few of my rethinking exercises that i learned in therapy and went back to the event. that moment was the first time where i felt that i would be ok that i knew that this was a fight that i was winning, a fight that isnt over but a fight that i am in. to those that are dealing with some of the stuff i write about and some of the issues that depression causes if you find yourself reading this, FIGHT. YOU CAN WIN!!!!

The Birth of Rage

I think you learned something

I think you learned that life sucks and you weren’t given the tools to handle that realization

and no matter how smart you get or what you accomplish

without those tools you will face daily complications

you were/are surrounded by dumb ass people

and because of piss poor parenting you were taught to defer to these dumb ass people

when you finally got angry enough, fed up with stupidity

that piss poor parenting made you think those feelings were the enemy

you didn’t know what do do with your rage

a rage born from wanting to be better than what was presented as the norm

a rage that came from wanting to explore the walls outside of your home

a rage that came from books that showed you that history had been deformed

a rage that said i am a man not a nigger for you to spit on

and now you are stuck in your rage

a rage you don’t want to leave

you don’t want to leave until all those dumb ass people feel your rage

but something in you is holding you back

holding you back from what you want to do most

and you are stuck

because one day you realized that life sucks

and you weren’t given the tools in which to construct

a lane for that rage to be useful on

so you rage on

March

oh boy!!!!! what a month this has been! let us do our best to stick with the positive lol  I GOT THE BLOODY JOB!!!! lol  i am a head cashier at my favorite barnes and nobles and so far i am loving it! my co workers are fun and my many managers seem to be really cool and being around books and talking about books and smelling books and selling books keeps me motivated to WRITE MY BOOK!!!! now i just have to get my time management down because the job is full time and i do want to write full time so i try my best to write at work on breaks and lunch and then post on my days off! ( new poems go up on my instagram @bossbradley442) i am going to try and post more updates and poems on this site as well! therapy is going well i think. working around teh new work schedule has been a pain but i know i need this so i dont stress it! ( something we work on in therapy) got a lot of my confidence back when I got the job so we are working on me not falling back into bad habits and using his confidence to fix some old ones. accomplishing this goal has really made all the other ones seem achievable. from saying to applying and then to actually achieve is a feeling i have been missing for way to long of a time. we are working on moving past the anger and sadness that i felt had taken over my life and it hurts sometimes but it does help. i am using the stuff i have learned since the November hospital stay t use everyday and it does help. i have to take responsibility for my own happiness and let go of the feeling that those who made me unhappy owe me anything. home life is home life. cant worry about what others do just control how i react to them AND MOVE THE F OUT!!!! LOL I have given myself a year to do a lot of things and so far with the first quater widining down i think i am doing pretty well!

hope this blog finds you well and if not i hope it gets better soon

thanks for reading!

there may also be a new lady in my life,. will let you all know how that works out lol

February

oh man oh man oh man! i don’t even want to know where to start with this month. therapy got really super rough and raw. i think that is a good thing so i can move forward and not get stuck talking about the same stuff! started writing comicbook reviews again and i hope that they will be published soon. i started looking for a job with sincerity and know that they will develop into something fruitful soon!!1 when on my first date in YEARS and i think that it went realty well, we are planning on a second date!!!! i have had more than a few bad days but nothing serious. i kept my clam and didnt hut myself or anyone else. i claim that as a victory! went on a lunch date with my baby sister and it was super fun! there are things i didnt do this month that were on my to do list and i hope to fix those soon! SCHOOL HERE I COME!

thank you all who read my blog and follow me on social media! i wish i could tell you guys how much your support means to me!!!

January

January has always been an up and down month for me. either i have a great bday and the rest of the month sucks or i have a sucky bday and the rest of the month is great. this year has seen a change and i have to thank therapy for that. thanks to therapy i took whatever happened and made it worth while, made it fun and made sure i didnt let anyone take my joy away! A few tried to take my joy away but i didnt let them!!!!! I’ve been off my meds for a month now, under my doctors supervision, and have been using the exercises I learned in the hospital added with being honest with my therapist has really helped me to maintain my balance. 2015 has already tarted off great! i have a few new measurable goals, daily things i do to keep up my physical and mental health, and a new attitude on life!!! 1 down 11 more months to go!!!!

Because it’s My Birthday precious!

today’s date blog is all about yesterday!

yesterday was my 33rd birthday and to say i was hard getting there s an understatement. my battle with depression took a turn for the worst late lat year and it looked like i wasnt going to see 2015 but today i am happy that that is no the case. YESTERDAY WAS AWESOME. the only thing i had planned on doing was posting a free pics to social media (go and follow me on everything lol) letting people know it was my bday and was going to just say thank you to those that wished me a happy one. it turned out to be so much greater! i got well wishes from those that i havent seen in ages. beautiful notes from beautiful women who i didnt even think noticed me. words of encouragement from those i look up to who i didnt think saw the things that i have been going through. i got gifts that i didnt ask for because on that day just being here was enough for me. the notes, facebook statuses, private messages and early morning phone calls warmed my heart in ways that i couldnt imagine i still could fill and that alone is a gift i can never repay . for that i say thank you to all and for those that went the extra mile i hope the private messages i sent in return conveyed half of my appreciation for you!!!!

but let’s talk about them gifts tho lol

i got a surprise gift from my mom which was really cool because i didnt expect her to get me anything and that was really nice.

one of my mentors (SKINNER) took me out to an awesome meal at the cheesecake factory (SOOOOO GOOD) and about five hours of conversation, that i thought was the best thing to have because i am starting to realize that after all my brushes with death the time we choose to spend with each other us more valuable then we can ever know.

THEN i got a really expensive book that i LOVE LOVE LOVE (its the history of westeros! #gameofthrones

i dont make plans for my birthday since i turned 23 so i like to usually i  find a really good book and just enjoy it. these last few years i have been in the hospital or ill so i would be dealing with that and those things were a leading cause of he depression but i am so glad that i didnt do anything to harm myself because i would have missed out on one of my best birthdays to date and the greatest gifts that one could ask for, the gift of being loved.

thank you all again and i know the thirty third year of me will be the best year of them all

Today’s Date

oh man i have no idea where to start lol

i have been down. way down but i think i have been fighting. my laptop failed on me but instead of getting down i turned to pin and paper. i even found an old laptop ( which i am writing on now) and got i into descent working condition. house situation is not getting better but i think i am getting better at handling things. i have also come to the realization that i do need a therapy A LOT OF THERAPY! that is not a bad thing. i need people i can talk to that will actually listen even if i have to pay them for it. i want to be a better person and i am tired of feeling like being better is a bad thing. so i have plans again and i think i like them but i also know i can make better plans and can be better at working on my goals. still plan on publishuing the book. i am back to writing my comic reviews! and back to being me!!!!!!

hi

well hello there. how is every one doing? i was taking a break from here after the 30 day challenge to focus on a few things. i have submitted my first two comic book reviews for a new blog site that will be up the first of June. i am very proud of them and will of course link and share once everything is up and running. i was also beginning work as a social media manger to help a friend out but learned it may not be such a good thing to go into business with friends. meet some cool nigerian peeps through facebook and of course brought some more books, most notably the harlem hellfighters by max brooks. yes i will be reviewing that one next. besides trying to figure out what the next step is with my book and oddly enough working on the second, nothing new to report. 

Book Store

first off let me confess

i dont like libraries let me vent

to quiet to dusty to formal to me

i need to be around life because that what books are to me

man the book store

my favorite place to be

the hiding spot from so much reality

my first hiding spot the comicbook store

the tales that told the stories of those who stood up for themselves and so much more words

words better written than any book found in school and they didnt treat the smart kid like a fool

they friends that didnt leave me

and when someone got shot the hero always got them to safety

those four colored worlds prepared me to face the grey of this one

the card the statues the joy was just so much fun

and oh yea i could take some of it home

fast forward

all grown and such

but my love of the book store didnt fade as such

a lot of things came into play

school work girls responsibility

there there there was a book store

when school and work became a chore

come fond your boy lol

at the book store

tp scape to travel to read

to fulfill the desires the wants and the needs

and of course to do some other things

a safe place for me and her to be

a hug from behind as she reads a book about being lost in time

she wants to search for a bibliography

i want to make stories and moments for her and me

a kiss at the book stores coffee shop

a place where all time exist and for us can also stop

the book store

one day my words will be there

to share with other  children so weary of the worlds unfair cares

my books they will make friendships over and find life love and solace

the book store i miss so much

save me a place stay open

i will be there no rush