Tag Archives: bradley

No safe places

there are no safe places for me

quite a revelation as america begins to celebrate black history

if i identify as straight i must hate gays

if i am proud to be black i must hate all the other false created classifications of race

if i identify as a man i must hate women

if i call myself intelligent i must hate everyone with an uneducated opinion

cant be safe at home because its the ones that look like you not the outside racist that can do the most harm

dont say you are American because that identity is just synonymous with wrong

cant call yourself black/african/colored or negro because unless someone else names the identity of your people for you that labeling is evil

cant like sports or read books because one is lame and the other is your only way out the hood and will damage your brain

cant like more than one issue/cause or thang its not like you have a multitasking brain

there are no safe places to identify as me because wherever i turn someone wants to make me ashamed of claiming my rights/my life/my name

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Today’s Date Back from Japan

WHAT’S UP PEOPLE!!!!!!

i have been gone for a little bit. Took an unexpected trip to JAPAN!!!!!!!!!! It was an almost pure last minute thing that i did not expect and i am so glad that i took the opportunity to go! My friend Alex is the one who invited me and set up the trip! (and paid for it, he is amazing) We went from Dec. 27, to Jan. 11 so we spent New Year’s and my birthday in JAPAN!!!  So having a blog most people thought oi would chronicle the experience on here and keep up a daily blog schedule but i took a different approach. one reason is because we would not always have reliable WiFi and another is because i wanted to write about what i was experiencing at the time. yes, this is writing typing on the blog but there is something so intimate about putting pen to paper and since right before i left on the trip my sisters brought me a journal i took it as the right thing to do to write what was going on down in there.

I am so glad i did. it has been a long time since i have written with a pen on a daily bases that it made the whole experience when more amazing! the mental exercise of writing without spell check and still capturing the experience of climbing two mountains and feeding deer in a Buddhist temple or just becoming infatuated with a pretty girl that you talked to for five minutes in between sight seeing. we traveled to five cities in those two weeks, Tokyo, Mt. Fuji, Kyoto, Osaka and Nara. Each city held its own style and feel plus getting to them was awesome. The public train system in Japan was so complex yet easy to navigate, the operators were beyond helpful and if you messed up they were to happy to help you with adjustments! (inside joke) THEN THERE WAS THE BULLET TRAIN! it was beyond cool and yes even with the experience of riding the monorail at Disney, noting can compare to taking the bullet train around a mountain and across half a country!

The food by the gods the food! we didnt have one bad meal while we were there and that includes the two meals we had that we got from 7-11! Yes I said 7-11!!!! everything was so fresh and even with eating noodles two or three times a day noting tasted the same and was a new, wonderful experience.

there are so many things to talk about like how we didnt see any trash on the ground for almost two weeks or how that a shrine in the middle of the day in a busy city surrounded by traffic and skyscrapers was the most quiet place i have ever been in my life! i could talk about how comic books and sex arent looked upon as something to be hidden or placed in a sub culture as if it is beneath people and scary but placed out in a manner of normality that doesnt offend anyone! i could go on for days about the comics and the diversity of the people who enjoyed them with no shame. i could begin an entire new blog post about how traditional and the latest in modern advances live side by side in harmony! I can talk for days about the women!!!! I could go on and on but i wont.

i love writing and i believe writing can be a gateway for people to leave the surroundings that they may be trapped on or take them to places that dont even exist but now i also believe that sometimes you just have to go. you just have to stop looking upon others and their experiences and have your own! THEN WRITE ABOUT THAT!

and for my black people in america, GO! GO to places outside of the states! GO to places where you may be uncomfortable! GO to places where the government actually wants you around! GO to places that you think that you can only read about! THEN WRITE ABOUT IT!

if you want to see pictures and random thoughts from or about my trip follow my social media!

instagram: bossbradley442

twitter: @DarrinBradley

tumblr: bossbradley

https://www.facebook.com/authordarrindbradley/?ref=aymt_homepage_panel

 

 

 

 

is it love?

if you follow me on my personal facebook page, you may have noticed that i have been posting a lot of lyrics to love songs. am i in love currently? No. well, not in the way you are thinking. i believe i am learning to love myself and in doing so i find myself wanting to be in a place of love. not romantic love but a love that brings me peace and calm. not saying that being loved by someone else cant do those things but two people always create friction. i dont want friction in my heart right now. hell, i couldnt handle it right now. So what i am saying is find a love song even if you are not in love and just enjoy the very thought that love does exists.

P.S.

i know by looking at the dates of some of my post that i suck. i am relearning what hard work and consistency means. so since my last update lets see, i found a job, loved the job, found a girl, starting hating the job, quit the job, lost the girl and trying my best to overcome my issues in therapy. i hope to get way better with post because doing this entire time i have been writing just not posting and i will get better with that.

be well

a realizations

the simple and horrible realization is

that no matter how much someone has fucked you up in the head

messed up your ability to function as a human being

it’s still all ON YOU

the don’t have to take any responsibility or blame

you hurt yourself

IT’S ON YOU

you hurt someone else in a state of suicide or depression

IT’S ON YOU

finding the help you need

ON YOU

learning how not to be this way

ON YOU

maybe knowing that can motivate you or give you a sense of power

but right now

it all just feels

shitty

spending the rest of my life fixing what you broke in side of me

March

oh boy!!!!! what a month this has been! let us do our best to stick with the positive lol  I GOT THE BLOODY JOB!!!! lol  i am a head cashier at my favorite barnes and nobles and so far i am loving it! my co workers are fun and my many managers seem to be really cool and being around books and talking about books and smelling books and selling books keeps me motivated to WRITE MY BOOK!!!! now i just have to get my time management down because the job is full time and i do want to write full time so i try my best to write at work on breaks and lunch and then post on my days off! ( new poems go up on my instagram @bossbradley442) i am going to try and post more updates and poems on this site as well! therapy is going well i think. working around teh new work schedule has been a pain but i know i need this so i dont stress it! ( something we work on in therapy) got a lot of my confidence back when I got the job so we are working on me not falling back into bad habits and using his confidence to fix some old ones. accomplishing this goal has really made all the other ones seem achievable. from saying to applying and then to actually achieve is a feeling i have been missing for way to long of a time. we are working on moving past the anger and sadness that i felt had taken over my life and it hurts sometimes but it does help. i am using the stuff i have learned since the November hospital stay t use everyday and it does help. i have to take responsibility for my own happiness and let go of the feeling that those who made me unhappy owe me anything. home life is home life. cant worry about what others do just control how i react to them AND MOVE THE F OUT!!!! LOL I have given myself a year to do a lot of things and so far with the first quater widining down i think i am doing pretty well!

hope this blog finds you well and if not i hope it gets better soon

thanks for reading!

there may also be a new lady in my life,. will let you all know how that works out lol

February

oh man oh man oh man! i don’t even want to know where to start with this month. therapy got really super rough and raw. i think that is a good thing so i can move forward and not get stuck talking about the same stuff! started writing comicbook reviews again and i hope that they will be published soon. i started looking for a job with sincerity and know that they will develop into something fruitful soon!!1 when on my first date in YEARS and i think that it went realty well, we are planning on a second date!!!! i have had more than a few bad days but nothing serious. i kept my clam and didnt hut myself or anyone else. i claim that as a victory! went on a lunch date with my baby sister and it was super fun! there are things i didnt do this month that were on my to do list and i hope to fix those soon! SCHOOL HERE I COME!

thank you all who read my blog and follow me on social media! i wish i could tell you guys how much your support means to me!!!

January

January has always been an up and down month for me. either i have a great bday and the rest of the month sucks or i have a sucky bday and the rest of the month is great. this year has seen a change and i have to thank therapy for that. thanks to therapy i took whatever happened and made it worth while, made it fun and made sure i didnt let anyone take my joy away! A few tried to take my joy away but i didnt let them!!!!! I’ve been off my meds for a month now, under my doctors supervision, and have been using the exercises I learned in the hospital added with being honest with my therapist has really helped me to maintain my balance. 2015 has already tarted off great! i have a few new measurable goals, daily things i do to keep up my physical and mental health, and a new attitude on life!!! 1 down 11 more months to go!!!!

Therapy The most comfortable no comfort zone

someone way smarter than me once said, “the only way to succeed is to get out of your comfort zone and boy were they right! Yesterday therapy was real rough and that is exactly what i needed to happen. my therapist has been using a technique with me where i have to make a list to answer questions about what are my goals for therapy and the tools i need to achieve them.  the topic of this weeks list is “why do i put more effort into work for others then i do for myself”. and well i think a lot of hose answers hit super hard. i have been a little down every since i started working on the list. self examination is a big part of life and when you have someone professionally helping you with it i believe it can be a thing that elevates you to even beyond your own hopes and dreams. at the same time it can really hurt, but you cant let that hurt stop you. you have to keep going and work on what needs to be changed. i think that being moved out of my comfort zone in this safe environment is a good thing. i think it will help me reestablish what i know i can achieve with life. i want to publish my book this year. i want to share it with all of you and i need to be prepared to be uncomfortable!

pen and paper, i might share later

OMG today so many things tried to set me off. so many triggers of my depression and anger tried to surface. i think i did really good handling it. I PUT PEN TO PAPER. i wrote. i just wrote what i was feeling. i just wrote what was in my mind, even the negative stuff but i didn’t let it control me. i felt it i dealt with it and then i moved on. like even now has i write this blog i have a pen and a note pad sitting next to me and writing some verses down. the exercise of writing has been so helpful in battling my depression. now if only i can get it together so i can live off my writing and move away from such negative people.so many little good things happen everyday and we allow someone else’s bullshit and black clouds ruin your day. i choose to have heaven everyday in my life.  will let others keep their hell.

peace

p.s. i may share some of the stuff i have been writing from today tomorrow not sure yet. stay tuned

p.s.s yea i need a job. i need to move.

morbidness action/reaction time management

i feel like im going to die again real soon

the last three times werent all that cool

so maybe i rush things too

and other things i dont even pursue

maybe that’s why i dont clean my room

or rewrite my will

when i have nothing and no one to really leave anything to

i fell like im going to die again real soon

is that why i am such a loud dude

that fights for those who’s knees were cut off to soon

so if i leave again you will notice that i left the room

i feel like im going to die again real soon

the last three times werent all that cool

the forth maybe the most unbearable

but i have hope i will come back from that one too

i feel like im going to die again real soon

P.S. did almost die that forth time and here i stand!!!!!!!