Fuck you father and yes I am intentionally being rude to you because you was just some dude that came around to feel on my momma and truth be told i dont remember how old i was i was when super mario 3 came out out but i wanted it and if im honest if you didn’t have that yellow and grey cartridge you was just a partridge singing songs that didn’t relate to me so how you gone relate to me if it wasn’t for blood you wouldn’t even be a relation to me but i also remember the shoes the brown leather cow boy boots that they said you would wear where ever you went and i remember begging for a pair hoping you would catch a glare and say that’s my boy trying to fill his daddy’s shoes i lose it never happened and those shoes had them all laughing at the Chicago kid who thought he was a cow boy and its strange when you think the other kids had that same instinct to search for their dads but it didn’t seem to affect them i guess they had others around to compensate while i had to wait in vain that these dream of mine would go away a dream for a family caused those surrounding me i couldn’t talk to or understand their meaning so now i am mean because to them it seems im arrogant and an ass but im just off to the side i guess still waiting for my dad or at least someone that makes me feel that i didn’t lose out because you weren’t about cause i never got the chance to lash out and just be a kid who’s mad
as i sit here trying to go back to sleep and planning for my day at the movies. (it’s about 4:30 am) i have come to realize that i have a lot to be happy about. i have a lot to be glad i am alive to see. you think after dying so many times (see previous paragraphs) that i would express this feeling more often . one of the many reasons i am happy to still be around is the modern age of comicbook movies!!! ok so let me tell you something about myself. I LOVE COMICS!!! i learned to read through comics. i got through a few of those deaths because of comics. my love of books and learning all come from comics!!!! when i first saw a black woman acknowledged as a queen , COMICS!!!! (storm of the x-men is still one of my favorites) when i saw people like me could be heros and not have to be white and born in new york! those books helped me escape some of the more troubling aspects of youth in the late eighties, early nineties of chicago. those books are what inspired me to become a writer!!!! so when i say i’m happy to be alive in the great age of modern comicbook movies, it is because i know for a fact that more kids will get to see the wonder and and excitement, they will get to experience things that at a young age the world tries to shut out on a much more massive scale then i did. they get a chance to see that they can be heroes too!
I remember the first time I died I was about five. I had an asthma attack. I was in the back of my aunt’s car with my mom driving to the hospital. I heard my mom whispering or praying for me to open my eyes. I did. I remember the street lights and the sound of cars. I closed my eyes again. The next time I opened them I was in the hospital listening to my mom talking to the doctor about treatment but I remember something else. Quietness and the dark, just empty space and I knew it was a place that I didn’t want to be so I came back.