Tag Archives: faith

January

January has always been an up and down month for me. either i have a great bday and the rest of the month sucks or i have a sucky bday and the rest of the month is great. this year has seen a change and i have to thank therapy for that. thanks to therapy i took whatever happened and made it worth while, made it fun and made sure i didnt let anyone take my joy away! A few tried to take my joy away but i didnt let them!!!!! I’ve been off my meds for a month now, under my doctors supervision, and have been using the exercises I learned in the hospital added with being honest with my therapist has really helped me to maintain my balance. 2015 has already tarted off great! i have a few new measurable goals, daily things i do to keep up my physical and mental health, and a new attitude on life!!! 1 down 11 more months to go!!!!

today’s date

i wrote for the first time in a long time yesterday. you guys seemed to like it. i haven’t liked much of anything including myself in a long time. i have inspirational notes on my wall in my room, i have positive reinforcement notes on my computer, i talk to people who are wonderful and helpful in my life, but i still forget to like myself. i forget my hopes and dreams. i forget all the things i want out of life. i forget that i am good at stuff. i forget to like myself.

i is time to change that

so now i am dedicating myself to myself, doubling if not tripling the work i put into myself.

home situation sucks=move out

want to be financially staple = all money is legal. let your pride suffer a little as long as you collect that check

what to do better for people around you = do better for yourself and you can be better for them

my first step has been exercise so far 3 out of  days = i can do better

second step is to get back to writing.   i am going to write everyday here on my facebook notes on my instagram poems in my twitter get back to writing my comic reviews but i am going to write

wish me luck and stay tuned!

 

Day 28. A Paragraph A Day: 30 Day Challenge

Questions from a former student of mine who is about to get married that i will now answer in paragraph form. 

Love means many things to me but it for most is means a feeling of overwhelming devotion and caring for another human being.  ( the difference between love & lust is lust is more of a physical want and desire usually devoid of an emotion connection. love has those same feelings but with empathy, kindness and respect in the forefront) the 3 biggest problems i have  faced in a relationship are lack of trust, lack of communication and cultural differences.   the 3 most important things to have to keep a relationship happy, healthy & stable for me are open and honest communication, a genuine like for that person or in better words a good friendship and economic stability.  is it more important to be single or rebound with people after a breakup is a tough question. depending on how the former relationship ended time alone to heal could be what is best for you but sometimes you really do need another person to help you get over a broken heart. you just have to be honest about a rebound situation and not to confuse it with love. when things get hard in a relationship i choose to try to fix it. all relationships are a work in progress you cant just give up at the first sign of trouble. new elements may have been added into the relationship, people also grow and change so there maybe something new for you to discover about that other person.   is intimacy & romance more important to you or communication & friendship? i left this question as is because i don’t believe that you can have one with out the other. you cant not experience true intimacy with someone if you aren’t friends first and can share your inner most thoughts with that other person and you cant be romantic if you are unable to communicate your feeling to someone or able to hear and understand theirs and what they like and desire. 

i hope this helps theoharris!!!!! 

Day 22. A Paragraph A Day: 30 Day Challenge

my life is wrapped in a dark cloud. a dark cloud of fear given power my circumstance and the facts of life. i am afraid. as a young kid first learning to run and play, hit with asthma. as a teenager finally getting to play football,  a sport he loves,  disc slipped after a hit in practice. didn’t even get hurt during a game. after learning to walk again and preparing for his first real adult party, being allowed to drink and all, diagnosed with diabetes. life changing diagnosis. as a  young adult finally moving out on my own after so many growing pains, job screws me, cuts my wages have to move back home. thank you hector rodriguez. life gets better, you move on, you grow and adapt. finally ready to move out again. take that trip to Ireland. found a balance with friends family and work. my appendix  burst. gets twice infected and with a 45 day stay in the hospital what little heath i had is gone. get out of the hospital only to lose my job and well here we are. two years later, free to do what i always should have done in being a writer. my health seems to finally be picking back up and there is this book……  a book that is my dream. to finally have my words out there and people reading them and debating their meaning and dissecting my words  and and and………..i am afraid. i am afraid that if i accomplish this goal, that if i complete one more dream. that i am not strong enough to fight the next bad thing that will come from it. don’t think this way they say. be strong. be positive.  god has a plan. it will all work out. they haven’t seen my track record. they haven’t lived in my cloud. 

Day 19. A Paragraph A Day: 30 Day Challenge

i have nothing to write about today. i have noting to say about people who think religious freedom only means follow what my religion says. i have nothing to say about people who compare the kidnapping of over 200 nigerian girls to a few scenes in a tv show! nothing to write concerning people who do nothing but critique but never create!!!! i dont have the words to write about how racism in all corners is unacceptable! i have nothing to say about kids killing kids on the street but our mayor is placing hundreds of millions to fix a four minute delay on a train line. i have nothing to say to those that just read the headline and think with that little information that their opinion matters. this kinda sucks because i was really enjoying this 30 day challenge and it sucks that it is broken! 

Blank Page

You stare at me stare at me stare at me

i go insane as you glare at me glare at me glare at me

you were supposed to take care of care of care of me

take me away from this uncertainty

this untouched surface  is just hurting me hurting me

what happened to my path of freedom

i look at you and feel so defeated

say something back i need them    i need them

where are the words

i’m starving feed them feed them

i trusted you would lead me to something

other than nothing

i am so disgusted disgusted

emotions erupted

anger is busting looseeeeeeeeee

UGH

sound

thought

action

huh

i see now

it was just me now

you were here waiting for me to be me now

because if i’m not that i might has well go back

to before i meet you and just forget you

you are so patient

you let me find my way through the path the pain the things i cant change to those that are unexplained until my fingers were ready and strong and steady to look past the petty and see the beauty that was waiting in you that only a few can seem to take hold of i hurt to show love till my fingers are numb and the words have come all over your surface i see now my purpose because noting is worthless if you stare at me glare at me force the truth out you will take care of me care of me you will always be there for me there for even when i get lost and confused that blank page is my muse

thank you

 

 

WE (how trying not to do something created something)

we would sit

we would wonder

we would guess

we would shutter

trying to figure out what this would be

we would think

we would blunder

we could ask

we would mutter

trying to figure out what this could be

we would ask

we would ponder

we test

we would stumble

trying to figure out what this should be

we would fuss

we would fight

we hold on oh so tight

trying to figure out how not to leave

we stare

we would glare

hoping to hope that the other one didn’t care

trying to figure out how not to be

we would push

we would pull

we would hold

we would hide

hoping that no one would see

and in the end two almost never friends become something that for a moment the would needed them to be

it held her heart

it saved his life

it made a wrong feel just right

no matter what reality seemed to be

together they were

for just a blur

a solid love

that others said just shouldn’t couldn’t wouldn’t meant to be

yet the dared for a chance to lay next to someone who cared

even if that one night was all there was

yet in between the trying

that defiance

created we

 

 

Climate Change

 

He made it up the mountain they way they told him to. It was not as difficult as they had said. He arrived at the mouth of the cave it looked just like they said it would. The woman was standing there just like they said she would. They were right about everything, he was afraid. The woman accepted his gift and asked him why he came. He began, I am sick. Every year after the snows melt and the days grow longer I become sick. I sweat and am overcome with fever my temper is uncontrollable and my demeanor is coarse.  I beg of you to help me. The woman just looked at him. Climate change she said. The man did not understand. She continued, I can see it as clear as day you need to move. Your blood is boiling, your memory is moving and your mind cannot slow itself down. You fell abused, wasted your mind cannot forget the punishments your decisions have brought upon you. You cannot forgive the people who have disappointed you and the faces that have spurned you. It fuels your soul the anger inside of you. It is time for a climate change. Join the snows to cool your blood and come to the forest to let your mind remember the old ways to work and feel. Return to peace of the wind, the steps of the dear and the power of the place you have left behind. Once you find it without place it within and the power of you shall begin again.

to change your stars you must first…..

I realized that I am free from things that have trapped me

I realized that I am healing from things that have broken me

I realized that I was walking in a path that was not meant for me

I realzed that to swim I must first head out to sea

I realized to be successful I should follow before I lead

I realized that things asked must be answered by me

I realized that being smart without education makes you dumb

I realized thats its ok to me yourself and have fun

I realized that some bonds are meant to be broken

I realized when one door closes there is another that you must open

I realized that my faults dont mean I will fail

I realized that to breathe one must fisrt exhale

I realized that its ok not to be right and be wrong

I realized its ok to not want to go back home….