Tag Archives: freedom

A quick thought

I want to disappear
And let’s be clear this ain’t no suicide note
But sometimes it’s a place where there is no hope
To cope with that  can be overwhelming
You say keep fighting  but what I’m fighting for you can’t tell me
So let me disappear
Let me find a place where the smog clears
Where I can wipe away my doubt
Where I can figure out what I am about
So let me disappear and if I am truly free it is my choice if I come back here

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No safe places

there are no safe places for me

quite a revelation as america begins to celebrate black history

if i identify as straight i must hate gays

if i am proud to be black i must hate all the other false created classifications of race

if i identify as a man i must hate women

if i call myself intelligent i must hate everyone with an uneducated opinion

cant be safe at home because its the ones that look like you not the outside racist that can do the most harm

dont say you are American because that identity is just synonymous with wrong

cant call yourself black/african/colored or negro because unless someone else names the identity of your people for you that labeling is evil

cant like sports or read books because one is lame and the other is your only way out the hood and will damage your brain

cant like more than one issue/cause or thang its not like you have a multitasking brain

there are no safe places to identify as me because wherever i turn someone wants to make me ashamed of claiming my rights/my life/my name

Climate Change

I just broke up with winter and i never loved summer

with no season of peace I cant help but wonder

If my connection to the cycle has been torn asunder

have i lost my place in the universe

I cant find silence in the solstice

there is no balance in the equinox

I fought to search for a place that i can call home

A climate change I can call my own

to bring me the strength to calm my storm

I need to find the sun light to help my mind shine

clear skies to give  my soul a goal to which to rise

the rain that takes my pain and turns it into smiles

i need my environment to change

this environment is toxic

steel flying through the air

iron taste

red concrete and black tops which

hide the atmosphere of hope away from me

this lack of hope strangles me

i need a climate change

i cant breathe

March

oh boy!!!!! what a month this has been! let us do our best to stick with the positive lol  I GOT THE BLOODY JOB!!!! lol  i am a head cashier at my favorite barnes and nobles and so far i am loving it! my co workers are fun and my many managers seem to be really cool and being around books and talking about books and smelling books and selling books keeps me motivated to WRITE MY BOOK!!!! now i just have to get my time management down because the job is full time and i do want to write full time so i try my best to write at work on breaks and lunch and then post on my days off! ( new poems go up on my instagram @bossbradley442) i am going to try and post more updates and poems on this site as well! therapy is going well i think. working around teh new work schedule has been a pain but i know i need this so i dont stress it! ( something we work on in therapy) got a lot of my confidence back when I got the job so we are working on me not falling back into bad habits and using his confidence to fix some old ones. accomplishing this goal has really made all the other ones seem achievable. from saying to applying and then to actually achieve is a feeling i have been missing for way to long of a time. we are working on moving past the anger and sadness that i felt had taken over my life and it hurts sometimes but it does help. i am using the stuff i have learned since the November hospital stay t use everyday and it does help. i have to take responsibility for my own happiness and let go of the feeling that those who made me unhappy owe me anything. home life is home life. cant worry about what others do just control how i react to them AND MOVE THE F OUT!!!! LOL I have given myself a year to do a lot of things and so far with the first quater widining down i think i am doing pretty well!

hope this blog finds you well and if not i hope it gets better soon

thanks for reading!

there may also be a new lady in my life,. will let you all know how that works out lol

January

January has always been an up and down month for me. either i have a great bday and the rest of the month sucks or i have a sucky bday and the rest of the month is great. this year has seen a change and i have to thank therapy for that. thanks to therapy i took whatever happened and made it worth while, made it fun and made sure i didnt let anyone take my joy away! A few tried to take my joy away but i didnt let them!!!!! I’ve been off my meds for a month now, under my doctors supervision, and have been using the exercises I learned in the hospital added with being honest with my therapist has really helped me to maintain my balance. 2015 has already tarted off great! i have a few new measurable goals, daily things i do to keep up my physical and mental health, and a new attitude on life!!! 1 down 11 more months to go!!!!

Football Sunday (three hours)

for three hours a week i get to pretend you  are all dead

for three hours a week i get to live without second guessing myself

for three hours a week i get to feel safe

for three hours a week i get to feel free

for three hours a week i get to feel like i am apart of something that understands me

for three hours a week i get to enjoy being me without critique

for three hours a week i get to feel like i own my own stuff

for three hours a week i get to for get how much i hate you

for three hours a week i get to feel like i want to be alive

for three hours a week i dont feel like shit all the time

for three hours i get to be a man

for three hours a week i feel like being me is ok

#beardown

Day 19. A Paragraph A Day: 30 Day Challenge

i have nothing to write about today. i have noting to say about people who think religious freedom only means follow what my religion says. i have nothing to say about people who compare the kidnapping of over 200 nigerian girls to a few scenes in a tv show! nothing to write concerning people who do nothing but critique but never create!!!! i dont have the words to write about how racism in all corners is unacceptable! i have nothing to say about kids killing kids on the street but our mayor is placing hundreds of millions to fix a four minute delay on a train line. i have nothing to say to those that just read the headline and think with that little information that their opinion matters. this kinda sucks because i was really enjoying this 30 day challenge and it sucks that it is broken! 

to change your stars you must first…..

I realized that I am free from things that have trapped me

I realized that I am healing from things that have broken me

I realized that I was walking in a path that was not meant for me

I realzed that to swim I must first head out to sea

I realized to be successful I should follow before I lead

I realized that things asked must be answered by me

I realized that being smart without education makes you dumb

I realized thats its ok to me yourself and have fun

I realized that some bonds are meant to be broken

I realized when one door closes there is another that you must open

I realized that my faults dont mean I will fail

I realized that to breathe one must fisrt exhale

I realized that its ok not to be right and be wrong

I realized its ok to not want to go back home….