Tag Archives: fun

is it love?

if you follow me on my personal facebook page, you may have noticed that i have been posting a lot of lyrics to love songs. am i in love currently? No. well, not in the way you are thinking. i believe i am learning to love myself and in doing so i find myself wanting to be in a place of love. not romantic love but a love that brings me peace and calm. not saying that being loved by someone else cant do those things but two people always create friction. i dont want friction in my heart right now. hell, i couldnt handle it right now. So what i am saying is find a love song even if you are not in love and just enjoy the very thought that love does exists.

P.S.

i know by looking at the dates of some of my post that i suck. i am relearning what hard work and consistency means. so since my last update lets see, i found a job, loved the job, found a girl, starting hating the job, quit the job, lost the girl and trying my best to overcome my issues in therapy. i hope to get way better with post because doing this entire time i have been writing just not posting and i will get better with that.

be well

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March

oh boy!!!!! what a month this has been! let us do our best to stick with the positive lol  I GOT THE BLOODY JOB!!!! lol  i am a head cashier at my favorite barnes and nobles and so far i am loving it! my co workers are fun and my many managers seem to be really cool and being around books and talking about books and smelling books and selling books keeps me motivated to WRITE MY BOOK!!!! now i just have to get my time management down because the job is full time and i do want to write full time so i try my best to write at work on breaks and lunch and then post on my days off! ( new poems go up on my instagram @bossbradley442) i am going to try and post more updates and poems on this site as well! therapy is going well i think. working around teh new work schedule has been a pain but i know i need this so i dont stress it! ( something we work on in therapy) got a lot of my confidence back when I got the job so we are working on me not falling back into bad habits and using his confidence to fix some old ones. accomplishing this goal has really made all the other ones seem achievable. from saying to applying and then to actually achieve is a feeling i have been missing for way to long of a time. we are working on moving past the anger and sadness that i felt had taken over my life and it hurts sometimes but it does help. i am using the stuff i have learned since the November hospital stay t use everyday and it does help. i have to take responsibility for my own happiness and let go of the feeling that those who made me unhappy owe me anything. home life is home life. cant worry about what others do just control how i react to them AND MOVE THE F OUT!!!! LOL I have given myself a year to do a lot of things and so far with the first quater widining down i think i am doing pretty well!

hope this blog finds you well and if not i hope it gets better soon

thanks for reading!

there may also be a new lady in my life,. will let you all know how that works out lol

January

January has always been an up and down month for me. either i have a great bday and the rest of the month sucks or i have a sucky bday and the rest of the month is great. this year has seen a change and i have to thank therapy for that. thanks to therapy i took whatever happened and made it worth while, made it fun and made sure i didnt let anyone take my joy away! A few tried to take my joy away but i didnt let them!!!!! I’ve been off my meds for a month now, under my doctors supervision, and have been using the exercises I learned in the hospital added with being honest with my therapist has really helped me to maintain my balance. 2015 has already tarted off great! i have a few new measurable goals, daily things i do to keep up my physical and mental health, and a new attitude on life!!! 1 down 11 more months to go!!!!

Day 12. A Paragraph A Day: 30 Day Challenge

i have been slacking on a few commitments that i have had lately. things that i should have done months ago and it has been weighing  down. i was trying my best to fight through whatever it is that has been slowing me down. i have done that with little to no success, in fact i have failed miserably. i have been producing nothing but crap. it goes back to that cloud i was talking about a few post back. today i decided to change my strategy instead of trying to fight through it i have confronted it! i have been cleaning, cooking and reading books that have nothing to do with what i need to write about, oh and a little video game playing. it has been working about great! the cloud around me doesn’t seem so strong and i feel relieved enough were i know i can get back on track and focus. if i want writing to be my career i know i need to get over these little bumps a lot more quickly and calmly!!!

An Affair

this life is almost done and i haven’t seen the sun today

this was supposed to be just fun but somehow my heart got in the way

it was just supposed to be a to numb some of the pain away

it was just supposed to be a moment until you were back in his arms again

a smile that became content

a kiss that was heaven sent

a sin no one wants to be repent

a love that was doomed with regret

i wanted it

you wanted it

we fought it

we both failed

you say yes i say no

you say no i say yes

we break up just to kiss at the end of the day

that one chance hello that introduction to get to know

nothing special it happens everyday

this was just different

you told me about him i didn’t listen

i am determined did i mention

you smiled and said the cutest ok

a lunch a kiss

a movie a kiss

a dance a kiss

i know i want this you confess its him you miss but even after that i still stay

emotions collide i know what i feel inside trust issues still couldn’t keep me away

i knew what you would choose but my heart didn’t lose not a single affection even to this day

what others think i don’t care for our moments they were not there

i can’t feel bad for this wonderful love affair

Find something better for your hands

STOP

think about it for a minute

is it worth all the tension

the punishment inflicted

self indulgence

temporary happiness

short term problem solving

i know its throbbing

cold shower

she has all the power

you just holding it in your hand

time to take a stand

keep it in your pants

yes its lust combined with love

but you cant touch her

put it away

no touch will ever be her

right hand growing the strongest

but the res of you is growing numb

no need for extra stimulus

plus that is getting boring

no adult performer

can compare to the childlike joy from her

kiss

misogyny while you massaging me

tingling when i touch you

but you’re so far away from me ‘what are my hands to do