Tag Archives: goals

Today’s Date a rough weekend

it has been rough since last week Thursday. some dumb shit that was complete out of my control (and if it was in my control when i learned what happened it was to late for me to do anything about it) triggered me and set me off into a deep depression. fortunately i didnt do anything and made it to my therapy session on Friday and there i just let out all the stuff that i had bottled up and it made me feel worse at first.  i was hiding from how i was really feeling and talking about it opened the flood gates. the thing is eventually the rush and overwhelming   feeling left and i was just left with sadness. writing this now is even a little difficult because the trigger is still there and coping with it brings out more than just sadness it also brings out anger and hatred and rage and a sense of no longer wanting to be here. but i am here i dont no why i am here the feeling of not wanting to be here and the sadness havent left it just feels more manageable.   i made small goals for myself. just little things to do to get me to teh next day even if i didnt think i wanted to make it to the next day. my therapist did as well asked me to to small things just to even make it to Monday. i did them. i am here maybe that is the best i can do right now. maybe that is all i need. i will do my best to stay positive and see what happens tomorrow. i probably wont post here but maybe something on instagram or twitter, something to keep me out of my negative thoughts.

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Therapy The most comfortable no comfort zone

someone way smarter than me once said, “the only way to succeed is to get out of your comfort zone and boy were they right! Yesterday therapy was real rough and that is exactly what i needed to happen. my therapist has been using a technique with me where i have to make a list to answer questions about what are my goals for therapy and the tools i need to achieve them.  the topic of this weeks list is “why do i put more effort into work for others then i do for myself”. and well i think a lot of hose answers hit super hard. i have been a little down every since i started working on the list. self examination is a big part of life and when you have someone professionally helping you with it i believe it can be a thing that elevates you to even beyond your own hopes and dreams. at the same time it can really hurt, but you cant let that hurt stop you. you have to keep going and work on what needs to be changed. i think that being moved out of my comfort zone in this safe environment is a good thing. i think it will help me reestablish what i know i can achieve with life. i want to publish my book this year. i want to share it with all of you and i need to be prepared to be uncomfortable!