Tag Archives: god

Day 22. A Paragraph A Day: 30 Day Challenge

my life is wrapped in a dark cloud. a dark cloud of fear given power my circumstance and the facts of life. i am afraid. as a young kid first learning to run and play, hit with asthma. as a teenager finally getting to play football,  a sport he loves,  disc slipped after a hit in practice. didn’t even get hurt during a game. after learning to walk again and preparing for his first real adult party, being allowed to drink and all, diagnosed with diabetes. life changing diagnosis. as a  young adult finally moving out on my own after so many growing pains, job screws me, cuts my wages have to move back home. thank you hector rodriguez. life gets better, you move on, you grow and adapt. finally ready to move out again. take that trip to Ireland. found a balance with friends family and work. my appendix  burst. gets twice infected and with a 45 day stay in the hospital what little heath i had is gone. get out of the hospital only to lose my job and well here we are. two years later, free to do what i always should have done in being a writer. my health seems to finally be picking back up and there is this book……  a book that is my dream. to finally have my words out there and people reading them and debating their meaning and dissecting my words  and and and………..i am afraid. i am afraid that if i accomplish this goal, that if i complete one more dream. that i am not strong enough to fight the next bad thing that will come from it. don’t think this way they say. be strong. be positive.  god has a plan. it will all work out. they haven’t seen my track record. they haven’t lived in my cloud. 

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Day 9. A Paragraph A Day: 30 Day Challenge

I remember the third time I died. I had been throwing up food and water for a day and when I finally couldn’t hold anything in I went to the hospital. I don’t remember much after I got there but I remember the quiet empty space and I didn’t like it at all this time I screamed my way back. I awoke with my mom and a doctor standing over me. It seems I had gone into a small coma, a diabetic coma. I will probably die from complications from diabetes but I wasn’t going to die that day.

the trip

i got high as hell the other day

hoping to give my mind a rest and some play

to ignore the dumb shit i seem to produce daily

to work hard be strong get better no really

i was taught that is how you get ahead

forge through and all will be given and revealed

have faith keep standing be made of steel

yea as i watch those who dont do shit just steal

but anyway

i got high as fuck the other day

hoping to relax and just ignore all the  obstacles in my way

but rest cant even come to me in that state

while everyone gets to be dumb and blissful

for me another lesson to learn was on the way

 

i got high as a kite taking flight on the moon the other day

i felt my body break and shatter into a billion pieces

all without a place all shattered through time and space

i felt every tug and pull every splash and crash

i felt every single moment and why they never last

the presents the multiple futures the discarded pasts

i felt the first grain of sand that became glass

i saw the decision that i made from good to bad

i felt the stars the clouds and the ants

i saw science in its purest form of magic

life i felt it i was it i was afraid

i battled with myself to be myself

and then cried when i saw the end when there was nothing left

pull myself pull myself back together

struggle to find my focus

fighting and fighting to pull myself back together

wanting a release form the trip

i feel hopeless

struggle fight to return to what i know

and what i know feels so worthless

tug yank punch pray to be the me i know that resides where this earth is

back together again  fractions periods and commas i don’t know them

back in the body that betrays me time and again

bu now i sleep rest think in the only place where hope is lives

Random quotes and oneliners

 

” I rather people hate than love me. They can easily remember that they hate you. They easily forget that they love you.”

” You want to live the life you havent earned.”

” right next to the Sun Ztu i keep a King or two.
and right next to that quotes from that Nietzsche cat
then sitting over his shoulder i keep the Bible solider
so peep my readings my ammo to give you your mental beating”

” how do you measure a man? against his greatest ambitions or his base faults”

” if i did not believe in heaven i would ask is this an angel in front og me but since i believe in heaven i thank god for sending an angel on to me”

” in you i see the heavens that will be denied to me when i die”

” you know what i like about the arrogance of the damned? they already know their damned what do they have to be humble about”

they say there is somewhere to go
they say there is someplace to see
they say there is someone i’m supposed to be

 

falling flat

this seems to be a recurring theme with me

i hate to sleep I hate to dream

i want what’s better for me and mine

but hate to lead as they hate to try

i hate to hate

whatever that means

i came too late for the big plans and schemes

strength used to be easy for me

i guess true strenght needs to be tested repeatedly

hands seem chained

fig and literally

to break the bonds must God break me

was given brains and eyes to see

yet get punished without mercy when used

i feel abused because i choose

to be better than what has come before

repeating so much it become a bore

even this poem is a little flat

sorry

this is how i feel cant seem to help that

Hands (proof that there is a God)

look at your hands….
I mean really look at your hands
can man make anything like hands
to touch, to feel
the movement, the stillness
can man create anything like hands
to hold to care
one touch to uplift you
one hit to put you down
they can push you away
bring you in close for an embrace
rough handling can make you cry
they can wipe tears away
a gentle touch
a strong grasp
a fist to invoke violence
a fist to protect those you love
the touch of the one you wish to forget
or the one you miss the most
they introduce
they say goodbye
they hold on
they let go
hands given to us at birth without asking or want
what other proof do you need to know that a loving God exist?

 

May 2 2006