oh man oh man oh man! i don’t even want to know where to start with this month. therapy got really super rough and raw. i think that is a good thing so i can move forward and not get stuck talking about the same stuff! started writing comicbook reviews again and i hope that they will be published soon. i started looking for a job with sincerity and know that they will develop into something fruitful soon!!1 when on my first date in YEARS and i think that it went realty well, we are planning on a second date!!!! i have had more than a few bad days but nothing serious. i kept my clam and didnt hut myself or anyone else. i claim that as a victory! went on a lunch date with my baby sister and it was super fun! there are things i didnt do this month that were on my to do list and i hope to fix those soon! SCHOOL HERE I COME!
thank you all who read my blog and follow me on social media! i wish i could tell you guys how much your support means to me!!!
i went to lay down for two seconds
for the first time today i wasnt distracted by
or just moving something
so i went to lay down for two seconds
and the first thoughts that came to mind was how much i want to hurt these people
i need to break out of this fucking depression and get my shit together
and to my fucking so called friends who think i need to check in on them but don’t fucking check in with me and don’t read this blog to even know half the shit im dealing with FUCK YOU!
i am depressed
i have been for awhile now but i was working on it
the exercise, the looking for a job, getting back to writing
well today i just went to sleep
in the middle of chatting with a friend and watching youtube videos
and went to sleep
wasnt watching anything depressing, except for the advancement of the new tech for our robot over lords
thank you jessica chobot
and me and the friend were having a fun conversation about burning breakfast
i just stopped put my head on a pillow and went to sleep
my stomach feels much better tho
so i got that going for me
and the days not over
will find some more things to feel good about and maybe some motivation
woke up realized that i had the wrong date on yesterdays today’s date
fixed it i think
after all the stuff i went through and found out about
my thoughts have been i am totally sick of this world
so now i am sick
\have only left my room to go to the bathroom today
so as this writing i have left my room 18 times
mind over matter
now it doesnt matter what my mind thinks because matter is almost uncontrollable LOL
i may be moving soon though
a change of location may be what is really needed
see you tomorrow
Questions from a former student of mine who is about to get married that i will now answer in paragraph form.
Love means many things to me but it for most is means a feeling of overwhelming devotion and caring for another human being. ( the difference between love & lust is lust is more of a physical want and desire usually devoid of an emotion connection. love has those same feelings but with empathy, kindness and respect in the forefront) the 3 biggest problems i have faced in a relationship are lack of trust, lack of communication and cultural differences. the 3 most important things to have to keep a relationship happy, healthy & stable for me are open and honest communication, a genuine like for that person or in better words a good friendship and economic stability. is it more important to be single or rebound with people after a breakup is a tough question. depending on how the former relationship ended time alone to heal could be what is best for you but sometimes you really do need another person to help you get over a broken heart. you just have to be honest about a rebound situation and not to confuse it with love. when things get hard in a relationship i choose to try to fix it. all relationships are a work in progress you cant just give up at the first sign of trouble. new elements may have been added into the relationship, people also grow and change so there maybe something new for you to discover about that other person. is intimacy & romance more important to you or communication & friendship? i left this question as is because i don’t believe that you can have one with out the other. you cant not experience true intimacy with someone if you aren’t friends first and can share your inner most thoughts with that other person and you cant be romantic if you are unable to communicate your feeling to someone or able to hear and understand theirs and what they like and desire.
i hope this helps theoharris!!!!!
For the record i don’t like that song but i think it is a lesson that kids should learn now at an early age!!!! LET IT GO!!!! man oh man, because with life’s daily stress, plus the random things that will come a long out of no where sometimes you have to just LET IT GO. no that doesn’t mean that problems will disappear and you wont have to solve them but every once in awhile, take a deep breath and LET IT GO!!!!!
it’s funny how the money changes situations! me and my siblings have been getting along quite well since my mother went to visit our brother on the east coast. no fighting, everything has just been chilled but a few issues with the house have come up and i have a few bucks stashed so my helped was asked. i did not mean to rhyme that but im not changing it. i have limited funds so i asked for when my money can be paid back and of course here comes all the bs about how we all need to live here and mom needs this just fixed but when i was working a steady job and everyone in this household had money saved no one wanted to listen or spend money. i was willing to help. i was willing to help when we all had steady money coming in. now im a fucking bad guy because i want to protect the little money i have. fuck you. everybody suddenly lives here and has to help when it comes to my money but when you have money there are no problems in the house that need fixing. time to start getting paid for this writing and get the away from these people. i am just sick of the double standard and hypocrisy.
i’ve been having such a hard time with the human experience lately. i understand everything has it’s ups and downs and that life is in seasons. i get that nothing last forever good or bad but man i was doing so good! noting drastic has happened nothing catastrophic or world ending just i find myself in a slump. just this weird shadow over every little thing i am supposed or want to do. i have no way of self motivation out of it. so i hide away and try to do the best that i can without falling to behind. this state of being causes me to miss out on stuff, true some of the stuff i dont want to do but some of stuff could be really fun! so stay in the house and try to write. keeping up with the 30 day challenge has helped but i still just feel blah all of a sudden about everything.
I remember the second time I died or more so the second time I felt that quietness that empty space. One day after a really nasty hit during football practice. I was coming out of the house heading for school when all of a sudden I felt nothing. My body gave out I passed out and found myself hanging from my neighbors gate. I couldn’t move. My sister’s before at the time was driving by the house and saw me hanging there. I was a fat kid he couldn’t help me back to the house he got me off the fence and talked me into crawling back home. It was only a few feet but it felt like the road to Damascus. I crawled using what strength I had in me, using my forearms to move across the concrete. I passed out. I awoke with my mom sitting over me wondering why I was on my couch in my living room. I passed out again into that quiet empty space. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like being crippled. I slipped disk was the cause. I was walking again within a month. Didn’t like the feeling of not being able to move, of being still and quiet, so I came back.
we would sit
we would wonder
we would guess
we would shutter
trying to figure out what this would be
we would think
we would blunder
we could ask
we would mutter
trying to figure out what this could be
we would ask
we would ponder
we would stumble
trying to figure out what this should be
we would fuss
we would fight
we hold on oh so tight
trying to figure out how not to leave
we would glare
hoping to hope that the other one didn’t care
trying to figure out how not to be
we would push
we would pull
we would hold
we would hide
hoping that no one would see
and in the end two almost never friends become something that for a moment the would needed them to be
it held her heart
it saved his life
it made a wrong feel just right
no matter what reality seemed to be
together they were
for just a blur
a solid love
that others said just shouldn’t couldn’t wouldn’t meant to be
yet the dared for a chance to lay next to someone who cared
even if that one night was all there was
yet in between the trying