Tag Archives: loss

Today’s Date A new 30 day challenge and dealing with loss.

i knew exactly what i wanted to write about today. with thanksgiving coming up i wanted to begin a 30 day challenge about what i was thankful for. i was very excited when i realized what i wanted to do and write about. i was very excited and couldnt wait to share with people my challenge but then i read some bad news. my best friend, my brother lost his child yesterday after noon. a son who had been fighting for his life over the last 11 days. he was strong and beautiful. My brother is taking it as well as he can and i tink i am doing the same but i am not sure. I have always had a different relationship with death, even before my depression and suicidal thoughts became prevalent. I have rarely looked upon death as a bad thing but as i have become more aware of my emotional reactions i have become aware of how others deal with theirs even more.  Angger and frustration, which can trigger my depression, are flowing through me but i believe i have been handling it well but i honestly do not know. i know i have to break self destructive patterns that lead to my depression but i cant cut myself off from these emotions but learn to deal with these feelings. i want to write more. I want to express what i am feeling. I want to be a good brother. I hope I can do these things and maintain my new found balance with my mental health.

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A note to my father part 1

Goodbye Father

I often wonder if you’re missing me

I heard you got another family down in Mississippi

A few sons, a couple of daughters

a lot of information but no connectivity

Goodbye Father

I don’t remember every saying hello

I do remember constantly asking for that Super Mario

Did you know stole asshole stole it from the house

how could you

you have never been around

never showed up

you didnt even buy the game

no congrats out your mouth

because of you all my relationships are in doubt

had to learn on my own how to deal

not doing that so well

how to cope with loss

how to walk about

no matter how god I do I feel left out

like I am missing something within and without