Tag Archives: Mental Health

I wrote about it

facebook status istagram post tumblr blogs and snapchat story videos

youtube shares and twitter rants i wrote about this love it seems if i tried to stop i just cant

an entire note books of poems and more than a few blogs

i try no contact but mutual friends make things hard

so i write about it people tell me to move on

so i write about her muse is so strong

so it seems that i have more than just a thing for the way that those island hips swing

it should have been just a fling just a sexual thing when i learned about her ring i should have stopped everything

we did

that didnt last long

even in denial forbidden love can be too strong

maybe some of the force was because it was so wrong

all i know is i write about it often a love i should have never had

a love i lost i should have never had

a love i lost i should have never grabbed on to

tried my hardest to hold on to

so how do i not write about it if i still long to

hold you kiss you love you

so i write about how much i miss you

so i write about how much i wish i never knew you

i write about how my heart cant seem to heal

i write about how heartache is beyond real

so i write about how low i feel

and i write

darkness becomes light and wrong is made right by the movement of my pen to paper my fingers on the keys and then i can breathe and think of good tings and hope you are happy

then i write about that

then it leads me to write about other things

so i write about it

Today’s Date just for me

so i didnt post yesterday. at first i felt bad and had to do my positive thinking exercise to fight depression but then i had a thought. i had written, i had actually written three new poems. i liked all three but didnt want to post. so i had a thought what if these poems were just for me.? what if these poems were not made to be seen by anyone else but me right now? is that ok? YES! yes it is ok as a writer to write stuff that is just for me right now. stuff that i had to put pen to paper but dont necessarily have to share. there is noting bad about about what i was writing, hell, some it it has been my best since i got back from Japan but right now they are just for me. something just for me is ok and perfectly fine. i am happy with that thought.

Today’s Date Doctor’s Office

my first non cook county mandated doctor’s appointment in more than 20 years was horrible , dint see the doc till more than 2 hours after my appointment, but we are going to focus on the positive right now!

1: got to read a lot of the ultimate hitchhikers guide to the galaxy

2: flirted with a really cute nurse

3: found out i weight way less than what i thought

4: finally saw a doctor after a month of trying to get the appointment

5: took my anger from the experience and walked home #exercise

so yes i am going to focus on that and go play around on snapchat

follow me bossbradley442

 

Today’s Date Unstable Molecules

i always knew that there are an uncountable amount of triggers that could set me off and lead me into a bout of depression.

Today I put into affect that there are also a numerous amount of triggers that can lead me out of depression.

to be a p[positive person takes work and a constant vigil. it can be done

And like unstable molecules emotions are always in flux, they are not fixed

which means we have the power to move them as they move us

it is all malleable and we can shape it to whatever we want

especially Happiness

Today’s Date what about love

this is not going to be a long bog post because everything seems to be going just find. besides from a sudden illness and vision trouble i have noting to complain about. which is why i think i have been having this nagging question, how strongly does having a significant other affect ones mental health? this is something i am going to bring up in therapy because in all honesty i know some of my bad relationship decisions have come from my unhealthy mental and emotional reactions. is it possible to find love when you know you have these types of issues?  ok im going to go destroy a box of tissues now i hope you are doing well and i will talk to you soon!

Today’s Date I may be normal

So after a very mentally trying day followed by a physically trying day,  I may be normal.  I say that with a slight question mark because I don’t think I knew what that meant. So much of my actions have been dictated by my unbalanced emotional reactions I couldn’t recognize a normal response.  I think I like this. I like having a sense of balance and now I understand how much work it takes to maintain this positive outlook. 

On a side note I have started two challenges for November to keep me motivated.  One, no shave November gor men’s health and two, the people I’m thankful for challenge. All post will be on my instagram first @bossbradley442 and I will then post compilations of those post in future blogs here.

Thanks for reading. I will talk to you soon.

Today’s Date A new 30 day challenge and dealing with loss.

i knew exactly what i wanted to write about today. with thanksgiving coming up i wanted to begin a 30 day challenge about what i was thankful for. i was very excited when i realized what i wanted to do and write about. i was very excited and couldnt wait to share with people my challenge but then i read some bad news. my best friend, my brother lost his child yesterday after noon. a son who had been fighting for his life over the last 11 days. he was strong and beautiful. My brother is taking it as well as he can and i tink i am doing the same but i am not sure. I have always had a different relationship with death, even before my depression and suicidal thoughts became prevalent. I have rarely looked upon death as a bad thing but as i have become more aware of my emotional reactions i have become aware of how others deal with theirs even more.  Angger and frustration, which can trigger my depression, are flowing through me but i believe i have been handling it well but i honestly do not know. i know i have to break self destructive patterns that lead to my depression but i cant cut myself off from these emotions but learn to deal with these feelings. i want to write more. I want to express what i am feeling. I want to be a good brother. I hope I can do these things and maintain my new found balance with my mental health.

Today’s Date MUSIC

These are just a couple of songs that have really been helpful lately in keeping me positive and processing my emotions better.

a cool beat to vibe to from one of my favorite anime’s

a song that expresses  my hesitation about expressing  love

my i dont want to be social anthem

my current favorite song that makes me think about someone i really miss

these are just a few i may do another music post again this week

like, share, comment

when you wish

because i was not the man she loved

i was just the man she was with

every time i held her every time we kissed

i died a little bit

knowing this was a wish that should have never came true

knowing that heartbreak could be the only out come of loving you

i embraced your laugh and i lusted for your smile

i placed you before me when knowing that this life was a lie

a pretend that had to end

a pretend that love couldn’t defy

but i wished for this

i wished for the life you had made with another

i wished that you would protect heart

we must be careful what we wish for

that wish may tear you apart

Climate Change

I just broke up with winter and i never loved summer

with no season of peace I cant help but wonder

If my connection to the cycle has been torn asunder

have i lost my place in the universe

I cant find silence in the solstice

there is no balance in the equinox

I fought to search for a place that i can call home

A climate change I can call my own

to bring me the strength to calm my storm

I need to find the sun light to help my mind shine

clear skies to give  my soul a goal to which to rise

the rain that takes my pain and turns it into smiles

i need my environment to change

this environment is toxic

steel flying through the air

iron taste

red concrete and black tops which

hide the atmosphere of hope away from me

this lack of hope strangles me

i need a climate change

i cant breathe