Today’s Date Unstable Molecules

i always knew that there are an uncountable amount of triggers that could set me off and lead me into a bout of depression.

Today I put into affect that there are also a numerous amount of triggers that can lead me out of depression.

to be a p[positive person takes work and a constant vigil. it can be done

And like unstable molecules emotions are always in flux, they are not fixed

which means we have the power to move them as they move us

it is all malleable and we can shape it to whatever we want

especially Happiness

pen and paper, i might share later

OMG today so many things tried to set me off. so many triggers of my depression and anger tried to surface. i think i did really good handling it. I PUT PEN TO PAPER. i wrote. i just wrote what i was feeling. i just wrote what was in my mind, even the negative stuff but i didn’t let it control me. i felt it i dealt with it and then i moved on. like even now has i write this blog i have a pen and a note pad sitting next to me and writing some verses down. the exercise of writing has been so helpful in battling my depression. now if only i can get it together so i can live off my writing and move away from such negative people.so many little good things happen everyday and we allow someone else’s bullshit and black clouds ruin your day. i choose to have heaven everyday in my life.  will let others keep their hell.

peace

p.s. i may share some of the stuff i have been writing from today tomorrow not sure yet. stay tuned

p.s.s yea i need a job. i need to move.

today’s date

i wrote for the first time in a long time yesterday. you guys seemed to like it. i haven’t liked much of anything including myself in a long time. i have inspirational notes on my wall in my room, i have positive reinforcement notes on my computer, i talk to people who are wonderful and helpful in my life, but i still forget to like myself. i forget my hopes and dreams. i forget all the things i want out of life. i forget that i am good at stuff. i forget to like myself.

i is time to change that

so now i am dedicating myself to myself, doubling if not tripling the work i put into myself.

home situation sucks=move out

want to be financially staple = all money is legal. let your pride suffer a little as long as you collect that check

what to do better for people around you = do better for yourself and you can be better for them

my first step has been exercise so far 3 out of  days = i can do better

second step is to get back to writing.   i am going to write everyday here on my facebook notes on my instagram poems in my twitter get back to writing my comic reviews but i am going to write

wish me luck and stay tuned!

 

Day 30. A Paragraph A Day: 30 Day Challenge

we made it! yes we made it! wow! this has been such a pleasure and enjoyable task. i learned a lot. i have shared a lot and have come to appreciate this outlet to communicate even more. i started this blog not to long ago to promote my writings. not knowing that it would be the outlet that has encouraged my writings the most. i got real personal in the last 30 days. i have let people into a world that i was very guarded about, only sharing it through poems, never letting you in directly. i hope i have changed that and take this momentum of writing to you for 30 days straight to bring you more of my works!!!!!!  

Day 28. A Paragraph A Day: 30 Day Challenge

Questions from a former student of mine who is about to get married that i will now answer in paragraph form. 

Love means many things to me but it for most is means a feeling of overwhelming devotion and caring for another human being.  ( the difference between love & lust is lust is more of a physical want and desire usually devoid of an emotion connection. love has those same feelings but with empathy, kindness and respect in the forefront) the 3 biggest problems i have  faced in a relationship are lack of trust, lack of communication and cultural differences.   the 3 most important things to have to keep a relationship happy, healthy & stable for me are open and honest communication, a genuine like for that person or in better words a good friendship and economic stability.  is it more important to be single or rebound with people after a breakup is a tough question. depending on how the former relationship ended time alone to heal could be what is best for you but sometimes you really do need another person to help you get over a broken heart. you just have to be honest about a rebound situation and not to confuse it with love. when things get hard in a relationship i choose to try to fix it. all relationships are a work in progress you cant just give up at the first sign of trouble. new elements may have been added into the relationship, people also grow and change so there maybe something new for you to discover about that other person.   is intimacy & romance more important to you or communication & friendship? i left this question as is because i don’t believe that you can have one with out the other. you cant not experience true intimacy with someone if you aren’t friends first and can share your inner most thoughts with that other person and you cant be romantic if you are unable to communicate your feeling to someone or able to hear and understand theirs and what they like and desire. 

i hope this helps theoharris!!!!! 

Day 7. A Paragraph A Day: 30 Day Challenge

I remember the second time I died or more so the second time I felt that quietness that empty space. One day after a really nasty hit during football practice. I was coming out of the house heading for school when all of a sudden I felt nothing. My body gave out I passed out and found myself hanging from my neighbors gate. I couldn’t move. My sister’s before at the time was driving by the house and saw me hanging there. I was a fat kid he couldn’t help me back to the house he got me off the fence and talked me into crawling back home. It was only a few feet but it felt like the road to Damascus. I crawled using what strength I had in me, using my forearms to   move across the concrete. I passed out. I awoke with my mom sitting over me wondering why I was on my couch in my living room. I passed out again into that quiet empty space. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like being crippled. I slipped disk was the cause. I was walking again within a month. Didn’t like the feeling of not being able to move, of being still and quiet, so I came back.

Day 6. A Paragraph A Day: 30 Day Challenge

The recovery. they never tell you about the true path of recovery. it is not learning to walk again, it is the fact when you stumble you feel like you will never walk again. it’s not that your mind forgets small big things, it’s that fact that you can’t remember learning the small things in the first place. the pain is not what will bother you, it is the fact that you recover from the pain so much more slowly. they don’t tell you how sometimes sounds, colors and even the certain taste of things can just drain away every bit of energy in your body. they don’t tell you that it’s ok for you to take a nap in the middle of the day even though for years you have had trouble sleeping. they never tell you that the truth path of healing is just listen to your body. the body will tell you how it needs it’s healing. 

Black Women In America, A History

may i speak to you about a history

a tale so infused with fact and mystery

that it seems to only embrace the simple things and regard the complexity as myth

when they came and took us

when the master beat, cut and killed us

we took your place of power and honor when whips and chains were brought upon us

but you didn’t flinch you held strong

you helped organize us

on your shoulders you put us

and kept our stories and strength in you for the coming harsh days

you raised the children of our enemy while teaching ours to hope and believe

you spoke up for freedom from oppression

a revolution seen as a blessing

as you served them that taxed tea in chains

you fought bravely in the civil war

you fought for our right to vote when they kept telling you no

you suffered through suffrage twice when white women said maybe for you rights would one day be alright

The ANC, Black Women’s Liberation Committee to NOW 

you pioneered the the things we take for granted and allow to be thrown by the way side

but by the side of the cause you kept in stride

and set the pace to fight for equal rights, the fight against poverty and for equal pay

we know the tale of madam cj walker we tell the tale of those who died for wanting to walk  just with their heads held high

Ida B Wells fought for us to be well how quickly we forget for that twerk vine

Zora Neale said don’t yield to their censorship so we think we free saying the word nigga and bitch

we just help to sink the ship that you held together from home to auction line

Miss Issa Rae took to the Youtube to show you that that box they put you in is not the end of you

Linda Graham publishing Isis to remind us how nice our natural is

when we finally see images of you it is not you they show

we know Cleopatra descended from Greeks but that African sun had to tan that nose

so many names great and small i wish i could name you all

for your very existence is a claim to strength

The angry black woman. The strong black woman. The unfeeling black woman. The manless black woman.

america has taken away from you just being a woman

You have depth. You have pain. You have bad. You have good. You have complexity

the warrior and mother in one

the terror of a system built to destroy you control you

manipulate and exploit you

with each and every success you have made them fail at it all

producer, writer,engineer, teacher, doctor, astronaut, pirateer

these words are insufficient to capture your statement and accomplished mission

when they made your own skin a prison

not even a fraction of what you have done is this land not home

you have made it your own

you have made it to own

america your crown and throne

Random quotes and oneliners

 

” I rather people hate than love me. They can easily remember that they hate you. They easily forget that they love you.”

” You want to live the life you havent earned.”

” right next to the Sun Ztu i keep a King or two.
and right next to that quotes from that Nietzsche cat
then sitting over his shoulder i keep the Bible solider
so peep my readings my ammo to give you your mental beating”

” how do you measure a man? against his greatest ambitions or his base faults”

” if i did not believe in heaven i would ask is this an angel in front og me but since i believe in heaven i thank god for sending an angel on to me”

” in you i see the heavens that will be denied to me when i die”

” you know what i like about the arrogance of the damned? they already know their damned what do they have to be humble about”

they say there is somewhere to go
they say there is someplace to see
they say there is someone i’m supposed to be

 

Flash Flood

when it rains it pours

but nothing can truly hit you like a chicago storm

it’s hot on the south side five people just died

none of them went in silence

shame when you think summer your mind automatically goes to violence

it’s cold at the north pole

their worries are iPhones and snow cones

while aldermen rape their extra spending money to mistreat them

but they fear the stories the metaphors and allegories of things have never seen except through YouTube

and down town is cool

high-rise above it all

clouds cover the economic fall overpaying for life

ignorance is bliss? i bet that’s nice

not judging i sometimes wish for that life

the westside for I’m riding

the west side worship Poseidon

the water washes away all we hold dear

backed up sewage drains

can’t get insurance claims the city come to condemn the house we call home

it changes from block to block

cold, wet, hot

but we all live under the same cloud of shame

i look up into the sky with tears in my eyes

fighting for a clear sky to come someday