Tag Archives: Relationships

I wrote about it

facebook status istagram post tumblr blogs and snapchat story videos

youtube shares and twitter rants i wrote about this love it seems if i tried to stop i just cant

an entire note books of poems and more than a few blogs

i try no contact but mutual friends make things hard

so i write about it people tell me to move on

so i write about her muse is so strong

so it seems that i have more than just a thing for the way that those island hips swing

it should have been just a fling just a sexual thing when i learned about her ring i should have stopped everything

we did

that didnt last long

even in denial forbidden love can be too strong

maybe some of the force was because it was so wrong

all i know is i write about it often a love i should have never had

a love i lost i should have never had

a love i lost i should have never grabbed on to

tried my hardest to hold on to

so how do i not write about it if i still long to

hold you kiss you love you

so i write about how much i miss you

so i write about how much i wish i never knew you

i write about how my heart cant seem to heal

i write about how heartache is beyond real

so i write about how low i feel

and i write

darkness becomes light and wrong is made right by the movement of my pen to paper my fingers on the keys and then i can breathe and think of good tings and hope you are happy

then i write about that

then it leads me to write about other things

so i write about it

No safe places

there are no safe places for me

quite a revelation as america begins to celebrate black history

if i identify as straight i must hate gays

if i am proud to be black i must hate all the other false created classifications of race

if i identify as a man i must hate women

if i call myself intelligent i must hate everyone with an uneducated opinion

cant be safe at home because its the ones that look like you not the outside racist that can do the most harm

dont say you are American because that identity is just synonymous with wrong

cant call yourself black/african/colored or negro because unless someone else names the identity of your people for you that labeling is evil

cant like sports or read books because one is lame and the other is your only way out the hood and will damage your brain

cant like more than one issue/cause or thang its not like you have a multitasking brain

there are no safe places to identify as me because wherever i turn someone wants to make me ashamed of claiming my rights/my life/my name

it only seems

it seems people only pay attention to you when you are gone

only love you when they are wrong

are only around when you are strong

only acknowledge you when there is pain

only value you when there is something to gain

only apologize when they get caught

are only impressed when you are in second place

only concerned after the fears you faced

only appear after you weathered the storm

only ask how you are doing when all is gone

only find time when you need to be alone

only have an opinion until you write this poem

today’s date

i went to lay down for two seconds

for the first time today i wasnt  distracted by

tv

movies

video games

meaningless conversation

cleaning

reading

or just moving something

so i went to lay down for two seconds

and the first thoughts that came to mind was how much i want to hurt these people

i need to break out of this fucking depression and get my shit together

and to my fucking so called friends who think i need to check in on them but don’t fucking check in with me and don’t read this blog to even know half the shit im dealing with FUCK YOU!

today’s date

i am depressed

i have been for awhile now but i was working on it

the exercise, the looking for a job, getting back to writing

well today i just went to sleep

in the middle of chatting with a friend and watching youtube videos

just stopped

and went to sleep

wasnt watching anything depressing, except for the advancement of the new tech for our robot over lords

thank you jessica chobot

and me and the friend were having a fun conversation about burning breakfast

i just stopped put my head on a pillow and went to sleep

my stomach feels much better tho

so i got that going for me

and the days not over

will find some more things to feel good about and maybe some motivation

today’s date

left my neighborhood for the first time in about 18 days

word the train for the first time in 40

saw guardians of the galaxy today

it was really good

let someone hurt my heart for the last time today

learned that someone who broke my heart a while ago has moved on while im sitting here letting someone hurt my heart

heard a funny story

heard bad news

heard some more bad news

learned robin williams died

then i came home

that was my day

Day 28. A Paragraph A Day: 30 Day Challenge

Questions from a former student of mine who is about to get married that i will now answer in paragraph form. 

Love means many things to me but it for most is means a feeling of overwhelming devotion and caring for another human being.  ( the difference between love & lust is lust is more of a physical want and desire usually devoid of an emotion connection. love has those same feelings but with empathy, kindness and respect in the forefront) the 3 biggest problems i have  faced in a relationship are lack of trust, lack of communication and cultural differences.   the 3 most important things to have to keep a relationship happy, healthy & stable for me are open and honest communication, a genuine like for that person or in better words a good friendship and economic stability.  is it more important to be single or rebound with people after a breakup is a tough question. depending on how the former relationship ended time alone to heal could be what is best for you but sometimes you really do need another person to help you get over a broken heart. you just have to be honest about a rebound situation and not to confuse it with love. when things get hard in a relationship i choose to try to fix it. all relationships are a work in progress you cant just give up at the first sign of trouble. new elements may have been added into the relationship, people also grow and change so there maybe something new for you to discover about that other person.   is intimacy & romance more important to you or communication & friendship? i left this question as is because i don’t believe that you can have one with out the other. you cant not experience true intimacy with someone if you aren’t friends first and can share your inner most thoughts with that other person and you cant be romantic if you are unable to communicate your feeling to someone or able to hear and understand theirs and what they like and desire. 

i hope this helps theoharris!!!!! 

Day 25. A Paragraph A Day: 30 Day Challenge

someone once told me they have trust issues because of the weather in chicago. i have trust issues because of my mother and father. one didn’t stay stay long enough to see my her grow. one let me get kidnapped before i was one years old. i know, i know the past should be the past but it’s hard when path gets turned around for things that weren’t in your grasp. like not being able to tell your day that you need him. you try to talk to your mother like she is people but it’s rough when she can’t even hear the metaphors when you try to explain your core reasons. the reasons why you see things so different. that you dream of things that make you want to be different. all she sees is her fears and calls her actions protection. when what she is doing is allowing more barriers to be erected. that would be fine if she didn’t then stand in your way when you try to take them done. thats why i no longer care for mother’s day when it comes around.