Tag Archives: story

Today’s Date a tale of loneliness and progress

soooooooooooooo a few days ago i say a picture of a woman i have a huge crush on (yes i embrace the fact i am over 30 and still crush on people)  and in the picture it looked liked she had on an engagement ring! i went into the dark fog of sadness and depression super fast. suddenly i was never gonna get married or have children, no woman would ever love a man with mental illness. i fell so hard so fast and once i realized what i was doing i laughed and snapped out of it!

i tell you of this moment as an example because a year ago those thoughts would not have just been a moment they would have been the rest of my week! they would have been in every action and every thought until another depressing thought came along.that is not the case anymore. i can realize when a depressing thought comes along and now i have the tools to help myself come out of the fog.

does the fear of not finding someone to love still persist? yes. thanks to therapy i have learned to take those negative thoughts and think of a better outlook. like, maybe right now i dont need to worry about being with another person right now i am actually enjoying working on myself. that if i work on myself enough i will find someone that will understand what i am trying to do and i wont have to fear telling them about my depression. that this is a great time to focus on me so that if i find someone to love i will be ready to give them my all!

btw my crush is not engaged lol

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The Proposal

They hadn’t seen each other in months. He thought this would be the perfect time. Her work took her around the world, his work kept him at home but it was ok. they spoke to each other almost every night, even with the time difference, they made sure to message or video chat with each other. when she arrived home it the house was dimly lit with the 50 or so candles that he had carefully placed to make sure it was the perfect mood, she looked perfect by candle light. It  was all hugs and kisses and thank you’s and i missed you. He had prepared her favorite meal but dinner was oddly quiet. He asked was she feeling alright and she said yes so he got up from the table, played the song they had first dance to and asked would she care to dance. She said yes.

As they danced he felt that embraced he had missed so much, smelled the perfume that made him smile and knew this was a feeling that he wanted for the rest of his life. She pulled him closer to her and placed her arms around his neck and whispered “I want you inside of me.” He squeezed her tighter and said “what else do you want from me?” She said ” I want you to love me forever.” He moved his hand from the small of her back to reach into his left pants pocket to pull out a box when she stopped him and put his arm  back around her. Then she stood on her toes and brought his ear closer to her lips, she whispered “will you marry me?” He said “Yes.”