Tag Archives: today

Life a short poem

i dont want to write today

does it mean that i dont like life today

i take breathe today

should i not write

i had thoughts today

should i not write

my body moved and swayed

should i not write

i am a writer is writing not life

Advertisements

Today’s Date a rough weekend

it has been rough since last week Thursday. some dumb shit that was complete out of my control (and if it was in my control when i learned what happened it was to late for me to do anything about it) triggered me and set me off into a deep depression. fortunately i didnt do anything and made it to my therapy session on Friday and there i just let out all the stuff that i had bottled up and it made me feel worse at first.  i was hiding from how i was really feeling and talking about it opened the flood gates. the thing is eventually the rush and overwhelming   feeling left and i was just left with sadness. writing this now is even a little difficult because the trigger is still there and coping with it brings out more than just sadness it also brings out anger and hatred and rage and a sense of no longer wanting to be here. but i am here i dont no why i am here the feeling of not wanting to be here and the sadness havent left it just feels more manageable.   i made small goals for myself. just little things to do to get me to teh next day even if i didnt think i wanted to make it to the next day. my therapist did as well asked me to to small things just to even make it to Monday. i did them. i am here maybe that is the best i can do right now. maybe that is all i need. i will do my best to stay positive and see what happens tomorrow. i probably wont post here but maybe something on instagram or twitter, something to keep me out of my negative thoughts.

Today’s Date

today’s post is really late, mostly because i wasn’t sure what i wanted to post, but really because i have been thinking about two things. one, love and the other, purpose. to be honest i don’t think i have much of both. love these last few years have become a foreign concept . i am not sure if it is the depression talking, the effects my past and current relationships are having on me or the fact that i just don’t know what i want from love any more. the second thing is purpose. i really dont know what im doing. i feeling like im turning 13 again but back then i had hope or at least a sense of what i want. im 33 now and i dont have that. i have no answers for myself and only more questions and frustrations. all i know is i have to acknowledge that i am lost and unmotivated to do much of anything.