These are just a couple of songs that have really been helpful lately in keeping me positive and processing my emotions better.
a cool beat to vibe to from one of my favorite anime’s
a song that expresses my hesitation about expressing love
my i dont want to be social anthem
my current favorite song that makes me think about someone i really miss
these are just a few i may do another music post again this week
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it has been rough since last week Thursday. some dumb shit that was complete out of my control (and if it was in my control when i learned what happened it was to late for me to do anything about it) triggered me and set me off into a deep depression. fortunately i didnt do anything and made it to my therapy session on Friday and there i just let out all the stuff that i had bottled up and it made me feel worse at first. i was hiding from how i was really feeling and talking about it opened the flood gates. the thing is eventually the rush and overwhelming feeling left and i was just left with sadness. writing this now is even a little difficult because the trigger is still there and coping with it brings out more than just sadness it also brings out anger and hatred and rage and a sense of no longer wanting to be here. but i am here i dont no why i am here the feeling of not wanting to be here and the sadness havent left it just feels more manageable. i made small goals for myself. just little things to do to get me to teh next day even if i didnt think i wanted to make it to the next day. my therapist did as well asked me to to small things just to even make it to Monday. i did them. i am here maybe that is the best i can do right now. maybe that is all i need. i will do my best to stay positive and see what happens tomorrow. i probably wont post here but maybe something on instagram or twitter, something to keep me out of my negative thoughts.
i tell myself lies to stay alive
just let me be for awhile, i promise i will be ok
in my dreams there are worlds where i am happy. if i work hard enough i can make this world one of them
there is no end to the darkness
there is no such thing as happiness
should have could have would have
no one else knows what this feels like
i dont now who i am
i dont know anything ‘
i cant do anything about this
these are but a small fraction of the negative thoughts that have been sipping into my reality since my depression and suicide hit. these are but a few of the many negative pathways that i must change direction on. i am changing my direction. some days are harder than others but it is on those days i remember how far i have come. keep fighting!!!!
