Tag Archives: trust

today’s date

i wrote for the first time in a long time yesterday. you guys seemed to like it. i haven’t liked much of anything including myself in a long time. i have inspirational notes on my wall in my room, i have positive reinforcement notes on my computer, i talk to people who are wonderful and helpful in my life, but i still forget to like myself. i forget my hopes and dreams. i forget all the things i want out of life. i forget that i am good at stuff. i forget to like myself.

i is time to change that

so now i am dedicating myself to myself, doubling if not tripling the work i put into myself.

home situation sucks=move out

want to be financially staple = all money is legal. let your pride suffer a little as long as you collect that check

what to do better for people around you = do better for yourself and you can be better for them

my first step has been exercise so far 3 out of  days = i can do better

second step is to get back to writing.   i am going to write everyday here on my facebook notes on my instagram poems in my twitter get back to writing my comic reviews but i am going to write

wish me luck and stay tuned!

 

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Day 28. A Paragraph A Day: 30 Day Challenge

Questions from a former student of mine who is about to get married that i will now answer in paragraph form. 

Love means many things to me but it for most is means a feeling of overwhelming devotion and caring for another human being.  ( the difference between love & lust is lust is more of a physical want and desire usually devoid of an emotion connection. love has those same feelings but with empathy, kindness and respect in the forefront) the 3 biggest problems i have  faced in a relationship are lack of trust, lack of communication and cultural differences.   the 3 most important things to have to keep a relationship happy, healthy & stable for me are open and honest communication, a genuine like for that person or in better words a good friendship and economic stability.  is it more important to be single or rebound with people after a breakup is a tough question. depending on how the former relationship ended time alone to heal could be what is best for you but sometimes you really do need another person to help you get over a broken heart. you just have to be honest about a rebound situation and not to confuse it with love. when things get hard in a relationship i choose to try to fix it. all relationships are a work in progress you cant just give up at the first sign of trouble. new elements may have been added into the relationship, people also grow and change so there maybe something new for you to discover about that other person.   is intimacy & romance more important to you or communication & friendship? i left this question as is because i don’t believe that you can have one with out the other. you cant not experience true intimacy with someone if you aren’t friends first and can share your inner most thoughts with that other person and you cant be romantic if you are unable to communicate your feeling to someone or able to hear and understand theirs and what they like and desire. 

i hope this helps theoharris!!!!! 

Day 15. A Paragraph A Day: 30 Day Challenge

HALF WAY THROUGH THE CHALLENGE PEOPLE! WISH ME LUCK!!!!

insecurities. i tell you people insecurities are going to mess us up. insecurities will keep us from asking for help. insecurities will make us see others confidence as arrogance. insecurities will have us lying when the truth was no threat at all. insecurities will give power to our fears when there should have never been fear in the first place. it is sad that my relationship with a married woman may have been my most healthy relationship to date because she had few if no insecurities about herself. she didn’t lie or feel they need to lie about ours or any other situation, she had no fear of my reactions to anything because we communicated everything to alleviate any insecurities or false perception.  that is why it pains me so to see my married friends in relationships where their partner seems to have to lie about such small insignificant things. things that don’t need to be lied about which just makes one wonder about the bigs things that person is capable of lying about. being insecure no matter how much a person loves you can push them away especially if that person is being supportive and wants noting but the best for you. this post is not saying that you don’t have the right to be insecure about things, no one is perfect, but you should not let you insecurities color you thoughts and feelings about someone who cares for you. the best way to cure insecurities is to communicate and be honest with yourself and others. 

 

Day 11. A Paragraph A Day: 30 Day Challenge

i’ve been having such a hard  time with the human experience lately. i understand everything has it’s ups and downs and that life is in seasons. i get that nothing last forever good or bad but man i was doing so good! noting drastic has happened nothing catastrophic or world ending just i find myself in a slump. just this weird shadow over every little thing i am supposed or want to do. i have no way of self motivation out of it. so i hide away and try to do the best that i can without falling to behind. this state of being causes me to miss out  on stuff, true some of the stuff i dont want to do but some of stuff could be really fun! so stay in the house and try to write. keeping up with the 30 day challenge has helped but i still just feel blah all of a sudden about everything. 

An Affair

this life is almost done and i haven’t seen the sun today

this was supposed to be just fun but somehow my heart got in the way

it was just supposed to be a to numb some of the pain away

it was just supposed to be a moment until you were back in his arms again

a smile that became content

a kiss that was heaven sent

a sin no one wants to be repent

a love that was doomed with regret

i wanted it

you wanted it

we fought it

we both failed

you say yes i say no

you say no i say yes

we break up just to kiss at the end of the day

that one chance hello that introduction to get to know

nothing special it happens everyday

this was just different

you told me about him i didn’t listen

i am determined did i mention

you smiled and said the cutest ok

a lunch a kiss

a movie a kiss

a dance a kiss

i know i want this you confess its him you miss but even after that i still stay

emotions collide i know what i feel inside trust issues still couldn’t keep me away

i knew what you would choose but my heart didn’t lose not a single affection even to this day

what others think i don’t care for our moments they were not there

i can’t feel bad for this wonderful love affair

titles

there is a fundamental change when words are rearranged to become symbols

like when me myself and I isn’t enough

when taking two words that have always been there

put them together and they become

us

you were a girl before i meet you a friend before i kissed you

girlfriend turns all our activities into a rush

i rush to let the world know

a rush to let the worries go

a rush for our bodies to be more than just close

a rush to mark a fictional territory

a rush to complete a new story

a rush to solidify us

when the claim is not you and i

mutual friends

whispers

paranoia

lies

all words powerful that become deadly when added to

us

a thing that should have been pure

tainted by words we have heard, used and claimed before

now weigh  heavy on our hearts and lust

now there are words like

anger

domestic abuse

accused

and used

and now the worst

break and up

we had to say goodbye no matter how hard we tried

it was the wrong time to be

us

A moment

1 second 1 minute
1 hour 1 day
1 word 1 year
1 breath 1 fear
1 moment which wont disappear
keeps me from loving you, wanting you

trusting you

1 second I could have walked away
1 minute I could have changed the day
1 hour I could have rewritten time
1 day I could have changed her mind
1 breath I lost my heart
1 word took my life apart
1 fear that it might happen again
1 moment I lost my first love and my best friend

May 1 2006

 

ANYmore

You dont hit me up and ask to go to lunch anymore

i guess that means that you dont want my time anymore

You dont call me up and tell me about your day anymore

i guess this means that you dont want my ear anymore

You dont wake me up to tell me about your thoughts anymore

i guess i am not your diary anymore

You dont want me to come over and play and tease you anymore

i guess that means you dont want my desire anymore

You dont want me to hold to kiss to caress your body anymore

i guess that means that you dont want my touch anymore

You dont text to let me know when u wont be at work anymore

i guess your telling me that u dont want my concern anymore

You dont invite me to come and take a smoke anymore

i guess that you dont want my highs anymore

You dont want to tell me your in trouble anymore

i guess you dont need or want my help anymore

You dont ask my opinion about the times anymore

i guess that you dont want my mind anymore

You want me to back off

i guess you dont want my love anymore

this was just this week

i dont want to see next week anymore

jun 20 2007

 

i didnt edit this one at all…tell me what you think!