i went to lay down for two seconds
for the first time today i wasnt distracted by
or just moving something
so i went to lay down for two seconds
and the first thoughts that came to mind was how much i want to hurt these people
i need to break out of this fucking depression and get my shit together
and to my fucking so called friends who think i need to check in on them but don’t fucking check in with me and don’t read this blog to even know half the shit im dealing with FUCK YOU!
woke up realized that i had the wrong date on yesterdays today’s date
fixed it i think
after all the stuff i went through and found out about
my thoughts have been i am totally sick of this world
so now i am sick
\have only left my room to go to the bathroom today
so as this writing i have left my room 18 times
mind over matter
now it doesnt matter what my mind thinks because matter is almost uncontrollable LOL
i may be moving soon though
a change of location may be what is really needed
see you tomorrow
left my neighborhood for the first time in about 18 days
word the train for the first time in 40
saw guardians of the galaxy today
it was really good
let someone hurt my heart for the last time today
learned that someone who broke my heart a while ago has moved on while im sitting here letting someone hurt my heart
heard a funny story
heard bad news
heard some more bad news
learned robin williams died
then i came home
that was my day
i woke up
tried to eat something
didnt feel well
tried to watch some youtube videos
now listening to some music from one of my old school mates
lola savage check her out
will use the energy i gained from that sleep to work my way out of this fuck
hope to see guardians of the galaxy tomorrow
will read the book the 100 best african american poems by nikki giovanni
i wrote for the first time in a long time yesterday. you guys seemed to like it. i haven’t liked much of anything including myself in a long time. i have inspirational notes on my wall in my room, i have positive reinforcement notes on my computer, i talk to people who are wonderful and helpful in my life, but i still forget to like myself. i forget my hopes and dreams. i forget all the things i want out of life. i forget that i am good at stuff. i forget to like myself.
i is time to change that
so now i am dedicating myself to myself, doubling if not tripling the work i put into myself.
home situation sucks=move out
want to be financially staple = all money is legal. let your pride suffer a little as long as you collect that check
what to do better for people around you = do better for yourself and you can be better for them
my first step has been exercise so far 3 out of days = i can do better
second step is to get back to writing. i am going to write everyday here on my facebook notes on my instagram poems in my twitter get back to writing my comic reviews but i am going to write
wish me luck and stay tuned!
Second review is live! tell me what you think! New poems coming soon!!!
well hello there. how is every one doing? i was taking a break from here after the 30 day challenge to focus on a few things. i have submitted my first two comic book reviews for a new blog site that will be up the first of June. i am very proud of them and will of course link and share once everything is up and running. i was also beginning work as a social media manger to help a friend out but learned it may not be such a good thing to go into business with friends. meet some cool nigerian peeps through facebook and of course brought some more books, most notably the harlem hellfighters by max brooks. yes i will be reviewing that one next. besides trying to figure out what the next step is with my book and oddly enough working on the second, nothing new to report.
we made it! yes we made it! wow! this has been such a pleasure and enjoyable task. i learned a lot. i have shared a lot and have come to appreciate this outlet to communicate even more. i started this blog not to long ago to promote my writings. not knowing that it would be the outlet that has encouraged my writings the most. i got real personal in the last 30 days. i have let people into a world that i was very guarded about, only sharing it through poems, never letting you in directly. i hope i have changed that and take this momentum of writing to you for 30 days straight to bring you more of my works!!!!!!
ok, maybe the hardest thing that a writer has to do is choose what writings to focus on. you think that you can focus on more than one project at a time. i dont think it works like that. most ideas that come to a writers head may be no more than a single sentence but in that sentence can be the foundation for a whole new world. so to focus on one idea over another is kinda like picking which child gets to survive, DAMN YOU SOPHIE!!!! it is also like picking which child will also support you, advance your career and maintain your sanity! so i guess that plan. like with human children, is to show each project as much love as possible and work for the best.
as i sit here trying to go back to sleep and planning for my day at the movies. (it’s about 4:30 am) i have come to realize that i have a lot to be happy about. i have a lot to be glad i am alive to see. you think after dying so many times (see previous paragraphs) that i would express this feeling more often . one of the many reasons i am happy to still be around is the modern age of comicbook movies!!! ok so let me tell you something about myself. I LOVE COMICS!!! i learned to read through comics. i got through a few of those deaths because of comics. my love of books and learning all come from comics!!!! when i first saw a black woman acknowledged as a queen , COMICS!!!! (storm of the x-men is still one of my favorites) when i saw people like me could be heros and not have to be white and born in new york! those books helped me escape some of the more troubling aspects of youth in the late eighties, early nineties of chicago. those books are what inspired me to become a writer!!!! so when i say i’m happy to be alive in the great age of modern comicbook movies, it is because i know for a fact that more kids will get to see the wonder and and excitement, they will get to experience things that at a young age the world tries to shut out on a much more massive scale then i did. they get a chance to see that they can be heroes too!